Musings of A Girl Named Sharmee

The World Changes Today

2008-11-06T10:16:00.002+08:00

I meant to post this last night. I guess I was too happy rejoicing when Obama won the American Presidential Elections.

I was sleeping till about noon yesterday after returning from the airport to study for the entire night. While happily rolling on my bed, stretching my arms and my cat licking my feet begging me to feed her, I suddenly realised the election results were out! It was already midnight on US when I turned on the TV to CNN.

OBAMA IS AMERICA'S 44TH PRESIDENT

Those words were flashing all over CNN, and even BBC. No words could describe how I felt. I whipped out my phone and messaged the people I knew who would rejoice as I would. Somehow, I was almost crying.

Perhaps I was emotional because my second sister is living the States, particularly Chicago, where Obama was a senator. She got worried about the health care system there, especially after giving birth to Danny. Plus, she was still studying in Uni and expenses don't come in cheap. I kept pestering my brother in law to vote, him being an American citizen, but apparently he was late for work and didn't vote. Nonetheless, Obama still won.

We all want change. The world wants to put a stop to the Iraq War, we want the worst global economic crisis since the Great Depression to end, and we want an end to the Arab-Israeli conflict. Obama gives us hope.

And in this hope, I decided that I want change as well. A levels are coming to an end, and I want to start a new chapter elsewhere with new things to blog about. No more teenage rantings from me, and no more talk about the latest Britney Spears song 'Womanizer'.

Adieu, Blogger. Four years here have brought me the occasional happiness and mood swings. But a future awaits me. It's time I leave the past behind and move forward.

As of today, I have shifted. Read my future posts at www.sharmeee.wordpress.com

It's an extra 'e' to 'sharmee' at wordpress.

Because I Got Sick

2008-10-28T21:20:00.002+08:00

A Levels in two days. No. Make that 36 hours.

I never thought I'd succumb to the stress the A levels give to Singaporean students, but I did. And it was horrible.

Knives poking my head; trying to focus on Sastera cause I love it, a big meat knife piercing my head, running to the toilet, crying to Jay on the phone, then puking my $3.00 lunch into a 7-Eleven plastic bag.

Very nice, Sham. Very nice.

I'm gonna stay headstrong until I get through this storm of information overload. God help me, please.

Because I Think Too Much

2008-10-19T00:43:00.002+08:00

Remember when I said things would get better in time? Well it did. To a small extent.

I never expected to get over it. After meeting you, however, I realised there's no more butterflies. There wasn't any blood rushing up to my face, and most importantly, I could talk to you. Amazing.

Yet, the heart is still empty.

People say friends are family you choose. To a certain extent, it is true. But for me, I end friendships when I feel it is pointless and going nowhere. Why bother bickering about the same old things when you have differing views on it and no one is willing to compromise? You're not even related by blood. We have a choice of choosing our friends carefully, or get stuck with them when you're unhappy.

It's difficult, especially when I am the one making all the initiatives - let's go here, let's do this, why not we - the list goes on. It's even more difficult when your friends change and its seems that you no longer know them. You make the effort, but it comes to a point where people just start depending on only you to sustain the friendship. Change is good when you like it. But it's horrible when change makes you a withdrawn person who wants to shut off from the rest of the world.

I want to bury myself in books. So I can have the riches. Then perhaps I can enjoy life more. Then again, people are just gonna make friends with you for the money.

If only it wasn't as this complicated. And so I'll tell myself again, it will get better in time.

On the Eve of the Last Day of School

2008-10-09T22:06:00.003+08:00

I'm making cupcakes as I'm typing this.

Have you ever wondered why you made a decision without actually knowing what to expect? That was how I felt when I decided to enroll into MJC. I went in knowing that I want an A level certificate followed by a university degree. I went in knowing that I'll have to sacrifice learning the way the fun way. I went in knowing that I'll have to put in ten times the effort I used to put it back in secondary school. But I never knew what to expect, really.

I've always thought JC would make me rigid. Make me a robot, even a monster, perhaps. I soon realised that no system was able to change you really are. I was still the rebel I was deep inside. Being in a JC never stopper me from doing things I want to do. All along, no one I was close to told me if I was doing the right thing - until last Tuesday when we had our last GP lesson.

Mr Nathan changed my perception on life. He was never afraid to scold us as if we were his own kids. He made me see the bigger picture - it's not all about grades.

"A gauge of me being a good teacher is not the grades you guys will get in the exams. A gauge of me being a good teacher is when I see you ten, twenty years down the road and you've had a good life doing the things you want to do."

By then, I was tearing up, but I held the tears back knowing that it wouldn't be nice to cry in front of him.

"Go chase your dreams - whatever that's left of it."

And I knew I had to go to the toilet when the bell rang. I just had the best lesson in my life and the greatest teacher along with it.

Aidilfitri Woes

2008-09-27T00:18:00.002+08:00

Once again, Aidilfitri is in the air.

I cannot remember the last time I woke up on raya without crying. The end of Ramadhan tears me even before the takbir is heard on radio on the last day of break fast. But when morning comes; when the curtains are all up, tablecloths ready and furniture all polished by my rough and dried hands, I cry for a different reason.

Each Aidilfitri, I make my way to Ghufran for prayers. Following that, I have coffee with eggs and toast with mumsy at Ya Kun coffee. Once we get home, I get ready to go for visiting - with my dad.

That has been the schedule since four years ago.

My heart breaks when I leave my mum and brother at home to go visiting with my dad. My rationale for doing so? Collection. But now that I'm older, I doubt that will be of use. Relatives will start asking what I'm working as and if I brought enough money for their kids. After much consideration for the past two weeks, I've decided to visit my dad over at his place after prayers, then head home to be with momsy and the brother.

The journey will come to an end soon, and I need to be strong. Not only for myself, but my mom as well. Watching 'The Road to Mecca' earlier in the day taught me that faith brings man to places out of his reach.

And it is this faith that will make the journey worthwhile.

Tetapi bagiku, banyak kesedihan yang menyelubungi hidupku.

Idealism: Thy Name is Man

2008-09-25T01:00:00.002+08:00

It makes me wonder how writers are motivated to tell stories - theirs and those that are purely fictional.

There are three kinds of writers; the ones who tell their personal life stories to others, the ones who write wholly fictional stories and those who write fictional stories that were inspired by their own true accounts.

Okay, let's change the term 'writers' to 'storytellers'. On most accounts, storytellers tell stories that they created but have, in one way or another, affected their own lives. And these stories usually have a high impact on the audience, even if it's a negative one. Somehow, the words 'based on a true story' will get more credit, or perhaps critic, from reviewers.

Take 'Freedom Writers' for an example. The story of Erin Gruwell, as a dedicated teacher who pushed aside race to achieve her goal of seeing her first batch of students going somewhere in life, has inspired many others to do the same and she even started a global movement called 'The Freedom Writers'. She shared her joy of teaching with others and proved to those who looked down upon delinquents that anyone can succeed in life.

Then again, the film 'Pay It Forward' gives credit to a little boy who dreams of an ideal world where everyone helps three people and in turn, they each help another three people. Eventually, the entire world population will receive and give help at some point in their life. Yet, this story is purely fictional. Never did the five words 'based on a true story' appear before, during or even after the film. It brought me thinking: are these the dreams of the writers?

I haven't gotten any answers to that question. Do we, as flawed human beings, dream of a perfect world? Or is it just in the minds of storytellers that such idealism exists?

Come back and haunt me.

Over

2008-09-18T20:19:00.002+08:00

Ramadhan is coming to an end pretty soon. Which means Prelims are officially over and A's will be haunting me next.

It was a bad day today - horrible dental appointment which is causing my upper jaw to hurt really bad AND the sastera paper that killed the six of us. I'm glad I'm taking off my braces really soon, 13 November, but I know I'll miss it. I like to think braces as accessories. Since I can't wear earrings when I'm out, my braces become my bling. Then again, they are hurting me bad. Ugh. But somehow I still have a huge appetite. I'm wearing light blue now since my baju raye is blue! Ok, will be blue. I haven't bought the baju but will do so on Saturday!

Breaking fast with the Kool Kentals tomorrow at some new restaurant in Simei! I wanted to try out Eighteen Chefs but the menu does not look as good as it sounds. Hmmm.. I think I prefer Badoque still.

It's 5 weeks to A levels and I am figuring out a way to disable my internet connection permanently, or until I finish the exams. Maybe I should spoil the wireless detector or something, eh?

I may be on a hiatus from Monday onwards. Even if I'm not hiatus, I'll probably upload some of my essays up here so that everyone can benefit!

PS: I'm thinking of shifting blog because I realised I've been on sharmee.blogspot.com for four years. I need a career switch!

Of French Men and Films

2008-09-16T21:03:00.003+08:00

I watched Les Choristes last Sunday on FilmArt on Arts Central. And I fell in love. If I were to ever meet a French man, please God, please let it be Jean-Baptiste Maunier.

Just agree with me and tell me his hot. AND, he sings very well too!

*sighs*

Film Addict

2008-09-06T22:56:00.002+08:00

My Magic - Eric Khoo's latest film about an alcoholic magician and his son - is finally going to be screened in local cinemas on 26 September 2008!

And I am going to be the one of the first few to catch it! No I did not get any premiere tickets. I'm just going to be the first one in line to watch the film.

Two other films I'm anticipating are from Yasmin Ahmad, Muallaf and Talentime. They just finished shooting for Talentime and Muallaf is apparently not distributed yet - or perhaps they are not going to distribute it. Well it is controversial for a Malay/Muslim actress to shave her head bald, but I'll give my praise to Sharifah Amani to do something I haven't had the guts to do yet.

Yes. I want to shave my head.

Anyway, it's almost a week of Ramadhan and everything has been going on pretty good. Prelims in 3 days time and that's not good.

Just let it be over, please.

My Precious...

2008-08-30T20:05:00.003+08:00

I MUST GET MY HANDS ON THIS BEAUTIFUL PAIR OF LOVELY HEADPHONES!!!!!

I saw this on teenvogue.com and immediately went to search for it. I don't care if it's USD54 cause I'll have the entire month's allowance to pay for it! Ramadhan is coming, and that means I'll be losing weight and more money to buy things.

AND ONE OF THOSE THINGS IS THIS PRETTY HEADPHONES!

I'm hyperventilating as I type this. It's like a blessing in disguise that my old ones broke.

THOU SHALT ME MINE!!!!!!

So it's one day to Ramadhan. Terawih, late nights and early mornings. The only thing I miss is the noise that used to fill the house. This year, it's gonna be even more quiet. Mom's working, brother may be working and I guess I'll be alone in the house. If it gets too creepy, I'll probably break fast at Ghufran. I can't be bothered to cook for myself, really. I'd rather cook for many.

Before I get emotional, I better go off. I don't want to spoil my night, somehow.

PS: Whoever gets the headphones before I do, I'm gonna kill you.

PPS: I'm not kidding.

Better In Time

2008-08-22T23:48:00.005+08:00

I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It will all get better in time.

The Sisters

The Big-O

Sisters for life

I realised how much I missed my band of brothers and sisters over at Fityan Ghufran. The days and nights I spent at the mosque, the outings we went for and the numerous amounts of diabetic cakes I made for them. The good memories kept in my heart and the bad thrown away for good.

I'm forcing myself to do what is right so I can bring up the reputation of our society as a whole. I remember what brother Helmy told me after I got my O level results, "Go to a JC. It's the most direct way to a degree. Our community needs more people like that." I can be ignorant if I want to, but being ignorant means I'm denying my own flaws. Afterall, I am a Malay Muslim and no matter how hard I try to run away from that identity, I'm unable to do so. Yes, I want to be called a Muslim, not a Malay. But I want to be a successful Malay Muslim.

Liyana tagged me, telling me to do things I'm best at after my A's. I really want to. And that is the only motivation that is driving me to finish the A's with excellence. There really is no other reason for me to go through the A's. I put myself in the spot, so I shall jolly well finish it myself.

No matter how I deny it, I know I need the support. Fityan gives me the strength, courage and potential to reach my dreams. Yet at the same time, Fityan was where it all began. Where I often had conflicts with myself. Where I found my source of happiness, but just to lose it after a mistake of confiding in someone I just met. Where I realised we were just like 'siblings'.

Going through the photos of past Fityan events, I reminisced over the times we spent together. I miss them. I want to go back to the past. But I know God has other plans for me. People come and go, I know they do. Or perhaps I'm forcing myself to acknowledge that.

It's gonna hurt when it heals. I'm still healing so I'm still hurting. But please don't let me hurt too much.

Genggam Auditions

2008-08-18T16:57:00.000+08:00

A Singapore Malay Film Society announcement:

SMFS's 1st Malay short film under the Sinema Incubator Programme, "GENGGAM" is an up coming Action Drama/Thriller Short Film in High Definition format featuring the Malay martial art of Silat.

Please pass this message to friends and family interested in acting. Also note that those in attendance will also be listed in the SMFS's Talent Database for future film projects.

For the production, we are looking for:
Male/Female, aged between 11 - 50 years old of any race

To register, write in with any photo to: smfs@me.com

Audition Date: Saturday, 23rd August 2008
Audition Venue: Kampung Ubi CC, 2nd Floor (opp. Eunos Mrt)
Audition Time: 1pm - 4pm

See u there!
Join our facebook:http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=16987756594

8 Minutes Finals and Tak Dong Cheng Screening

2008-08-17T07:59:00.002+08:00

First and foremost, congratulations to the winners of 8 Minutes Youth Film Competition. This year's competition saw more professionally done films by young filmmakers and intense competition. Though SKREM Productions did not manage to clinch any awards, as the only active member of the production crew, I believe that we have done the best we can. Telor Hangus will be uploaded very soon for the viewing pleasure of my friends.

Personally, I feel that Millenia Motions truly deserved the first prize. After winning the third prize last year, they rose to the occasion and clinched the first prize. They won the best actor award and the best sound design award.

And of course, my heartiest congratulations to Fityan Ghufran for winning the Jury Prize! Ustaz Irwan, Mohksin, Nassier, Azraie and Ustaz Ahmad did a great job on 3 o'clock. Funny, a bit lame but the Fityan touch was there.

After the screening at Cineileisure Orchard, I headed down to Madrasah Al-Arabiah for the screening of Tak Dong Cheng by Suffian Zainudin. Initially, I went there alone but left getting to know a lot of people I never thought I'd associate myself with.

Tak Dong Cheng is a story about 2 friends, Farid and Jas, who enter a lion dance competition without knowing the basics of this Chinese culture. The issue the director wanted to portray was that culture knows no boundaries, and is significantly evident in Farid's parents' disapproval of him joining the competition. Jas, on the other hand, faces a dilemma of choosing between the competition and his girlfriend's passion for dikir barat, a Malay culture. The similarities in the theme between Suffian Zainudin's Tak Dong Cheng and Yasmin Ahmad's Sepet are clear, but the former provides a more Singaporean touch.

The 36-minute film is filled with puns and jokes that are all too familiar with Singaporeans. Handkerchief bikinis, foreign talent and the local lingo 'pantat jag' (perky butt) give audience a glimpse of what is called the Singaporean Humor. Suffian Zainudin ends off the film with a reference to the national pledge where the theme is further established.

Tak Dong Cheng truly gives a whole new perspective of 'regardless of race, language or religion.'

For Islam, Love and Music

2008-08-15T01:49:00.003+08:00

FILM = For Islam, Love and Music.

I had a sudden epiphany while going up the escalators of Esplanade after Dental Appointment. My three loves combined into one. Jay Jay says it gives a whole new meaning to films. Why should Hollywood and Bollywood dominate the film industry when we Muslims can as well? And local films serve as a platform for local music to be heard. The love part? Everyone experiences love - family, friends and passion are what people love.

Post A Levels, I have loads of plans. But priorities must be set, eh? Just like how I place the A levels as a priority over my current desires.

I cannot wait for the release of Muallaf and the eventual Talentime, both by Yasmin Ahmad. Production is in process and I must say it's as eye-catching as her previous films; Rabun, Sepet and Gubra. On another note, I'm unable to join in the fun at Singapore Malay Film Society (SMFS) with the start of filming for Genggam (Fist), Singapore's first Malay feature film. Oh wells, I have 8 months to kill after A's and that time shall be spent on my next project, insyaallah.

It's 2am, and Neslo really makes me stay wide awake.

Heart of the Matter

2008-08-11T21:25:00.000+08:00

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I want a happily ever after
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh gets weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

Waking Up

2008-08-09T07:30:00.003+08:00

"To strong people, even the bitter winds of adversity can feel like a joyous spring breeze. To weak people, every problem or obstacle is a source of hellish suffering."
- Daisaku Ikeda -

My emotions have been playing it out on me. I don't know where all these sadness and 'misery' came from. Perhaps that COMPASS talk on university admissions triggered off a chain of emotions. Confusion, disappointment, heartbreak and the list goes on.

I confided in Sarah the other day, and she kept asking me "What do you want to be?". I gave her answers but she kept asking. I said I want to inspire yet she kept asking. I never answered her question. There's so many things I want to do, I can do. But so long as I achieve my aim of bringing the Malay community to greater heights, I'm sure I'll be contented.

Contented - but will I ever be satisfied?

My dreams versus theirs'. My wants versus my needs.

I'm all out to take the risk, yet there's a 'but' that's holding me back, somehow.

Anyways, thanks so much for cheering me up. That message greeted me this morning with a smiley and it brought a smile to my face. After all, without tasting a break down one can not appreciate a build up.

"Do not loose heart or despair - if you are true believers you have the upper hand."
[Qur'an 3:139]

Alternatives

2008-08-05T21:51:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to think about alternatives. Where to go if I don't make it to NTU School of Communications (I pray it will not happen). And right now, the only other thing that interests me is New York Film Academy. It feels like this is finally my thing. I'm not tapping on other people's success to achieve mine. Events is fun and probably a stable career, but I have dreams of my own as well.

Option 1: NTU School of Communications

Electronic and Broadcast Media. The only course that I have my eyes on so far. Pros: cheap, stay home, local internships and the security of following the norm. Cons: 'lack of opportunities', same old mundane life and being stuck in the same system I've been living in my entire lifetime.

Option 2: New York Film Academy

Going there brings a whole new meaning of 'The world is your stage.' It's not just about the place, it's about experiencing a learning style that is not of the norm in Singapore, the exposure of being elsewhere but Singapore and of course, the feeling of going over to New York to study and then coming back to be a successful filmmaker. Cons? Expensive.

Sometimes I wonder if I want to be normal. Can I even be normal in this country where people are often discriminated for being pregnant, wearing a tudong, being Malay etc etc? I have always loved being different, unique. Yet I ponder at times if it is all worth it?

God, I need to stop being idealistic.

Telor Hangus is DONE!

2008-08-04T09:32:00.003+08:00

Some times, I feel like being a cat. A domestic cat, at least. It's fun to laze around all day and have someone to hug and snuggle you to sleep. Now that's life.

So SKREM Productions has ended its latest project, Telor Hangus, yesterday morning. I had two cans of Red Bull original on Saturday night and managed to stay awake till 4pm yeterday. Shiok. I am happy with the film, but not contented enough. I guess my expectations are way too high for myself this time round. No crew, no Macbook to work on, no support - some of the difficulties I faced through out the 8 days. But I guess God has other plans for me. Managed to use Sofrie's Macbook for editing on the last day of the competition. I think he gave in when I called him at 3am on Saturday morning, crying on the phone.

Just one picture till the results are out. More behind the scenes photos are on my Facebook.

I am beginning to think that I want to do this for a living. I just need the strength I used to have. For some reason, I'm losing the self-esteem I used to carry around.

On another note, I would like to thank these people for their help:

Adam - for being a great cameraman
Sofrie - for taking the role of my lead actor, for lending me your Macbook and for being a true friend
Liyana - for tolerating the crew's nonsense and being the sound woman!
Afiq - for doing a great job in Telor Hangus
Akmal - your presence itself made the film even more impactful
Cik Ati - for being the next SURIA makcik actress. All my friends think you're from SURIA
Cik Syam - for letting us use your house. Sorry we messed it up!
IBU - I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR DRIVING US AROUND AND GIVING ME THE SUPPORT I NEEDED THROUGH OUT THE ENTIRE COMPETITION.

So that will be my Oscars speech unless I get to do a proper one.

Countdown to (No) Disappointment

2008-08-01T17:38:00.002+08:00

There's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours.

Why is it that nice people are rare? You don't meet nice people everyday, yet when you do, there's something pulling you back.

2 more days to the end of this chaos.
3 more days to the week everyone's looking forward to.
4 weeks to prelims.
12 weeks to A levels.

God give me strength.

Jaded

2008-07-28T23:34:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I question myself what am I doing in a Junior College. Not just any, but Meridian JC. Pressure is amounting; A levels, 8 Minutes and life. After this week, I hope things will go to a plateau for a bit. I cannot take the ups and downs I'm going through now, not always, at least.

The weekend was eventful. I wish I could have cropped a part of it our my memory, though. I knew Zahrah was right, I should have not did what I did, or rather, am still doing. Filming is done, editing is on going and voice recording for another group is on this Friday. I'm honoured that one of this year's participant approached me to do narration for his film. I get a sneak peek!

Just three more months, Sham. You have to hang on to that dream. Don't just leave it aside.

"Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes but don't quit."
- Conrad Hilton

May we cross paths again sometime, eh?

Another Insomniac Night

2008-07-27T01:15:00.002+08:00

Thanks to Starbucks' Caramel Macchiato, I have been awake since 6am this morning till 1am.

8 Minutes launch was great, saw a lot of former Temasekians who are entering the competition this year, as well as some people who claimed that they went to school with me when I was younger. Today was too hectic for me, especially when I don't have cash and transport. If it wasn't for my mum, I don't think we would start filming tomorrow.

So yes, tomorrow marks day 2 of the 8 day we have for the film. I hope to get some still shots tomorrow so I can put it here for the viewing pleasure of the people.

Anyway, this is a very good short film. Witty, funny and drama-like. Too bad there's some vulgarities, if not they would have qualified for the international participation category of 8 Minutes Youth Film Festival.

Hyperventilation

2008-07-25T21:59:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is the day my life begins. Metaphorically.

Launch of 8 Minutes Youth Film Competition and after that, 8 days of hectic filming, editing, and studying. I don't know how the last bit came to exist. I'm figuring out how to do the last part simultaneously, but I guess I'll pull through.

Anyway, I went over to my sister's place the other day and this was what happened:

Brother-in-law: Talks to my 4-year-old niece. Sophie, I heard Haris kissed you the other day, eh?

Sophie: NO!

My sister: What? He kissed you? Is he your boyfriend??!!

Sophie: NO!!! He's not my boyfriend. He's my best friend.

My sister: WHAT? YOU HAVE A BOY BEST FRIEND? Okay. Never mind. Can you have a boyfriend, or not?

Sophie: No, ummie!

My sister: How old can you have a boyfriend?

Sophie: Counts her fingers. 5!

Kids say the darnest things, eh? She got her first kiss at 4. How cute.

On a happier note, I am hyperventilating. Why is that happy? Because I say so.

SKREM PRODUCTIONS, LET'S GO!!!

Family Addition

2008-07-18T21:52:00.004+08:00

I have yet to blog about the newest addition to my already large family. People, meet Daniel!

Smiling at the camera at one month old! He's so smart.
I haven't had the chance to meet this handsome boy cause he's all the way at the States, so I guess I'll be seeing him in 2 years time when I have enough money.

He knows my sis was taking the picture.

What's on my nose??

Haha! I'm cute, you're not!

But I think the best picture has yet to come. Adam, Anthony and Anand would love the next picture for sure!

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NB: The eyes are okay. But not the fingers!

Paiseh Nak Mampos

2008-07-12T20:19:00.002+08:00

I felt all the blood rush up to my face. Or head.

I couldn't feel my legs.

I felt like shooting myself in the head.

I didn't know where to put my face.

Especially after screaming 'Ajo! Bukak tingkap! Ader bunge api!!!' when the person in the living room was not my brother.

God save me.

We've All Grown Up

2008-07-07T21:20:00.003+08:00

I found really horrifying pictures of Fahmi, the chinese looking boy in Fityan Ghufran who is now Mr Cool aka Nicholas from RI. Perasaan, period.

He wasn't just short. But he looked a bit underage to join Fityan. He was probably 12 then, cause I was 14, slim, pretty and probably the hottest girl in school (yeah right). And oh, I miss my Casio watch. I need to get it fixed.

Fahmi, if you're reading this, I hope you'll realise you one of the abang-abang now.

Anyways, I watched Wanted with Sarah and Hakimbo last week and it was tremendously violent, horrific, gory, sadistic - BUT I LOVE IT! Especially when you fall in love with the next Toby Mcguire.

James McAvoy looks so hot here. Plus, he has blue eyes!

And here he is as Mr Tomnus in the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe.

Watching Petronas commercials will make you cry, because Yasmin Ahmad directed them. Somehow, I wanna be like her.

Inspiration Comes from God

2008-07-06T19:12:00.002+08:00

I know Aidilfitri is still a long way to go, I haven't even paid back the days I didn't fast but I'm already inspired by this beautiful advertisement. It made me teary eyed, reminiscing over the memories I can only cling on to.

We went to all the places where I once spent my time with you. I want to go back there with you.

"My father said I can only be either a mommy's boy, or a daddy's boy. But not both. And I wanted to be a daddy's boy."

From 'For One More' Day by Mitch Albom

I Want My Mr Mukhsin

2008-07-03T07:42:00.003+08:00

How I wish I can write like Yasmin Ahmad. Endless flows of ideas streaming through my head and my fingers being too eager to start writing scripts.

I'm having a writer's block, or so I presume.

8 Minutes just had their press conference yesterday, and by the looks of it, I have to edit my story. If not, change to a new story altogether. Resilience is certainly not on my side, this time round.

I had my Mr Sepet. Can I have a Mr Mukhsin now?

It's 23 days to the launch and start of the competition. Competition is intense this year, even my mom said so. I think she wants to act again. If she does, she's going to end up at Suria by the end of the year. Ho hum. Meanwhile, I'm still cracking my head for an inspiration.

Resilient. Community. Care.

All I can think of now is Temasek Secondary School, my alma mater.

We care.
We also care.
We still care.
I heck care.

Well, I think I can make it for the Worst Jokes to be put On Screen Award.

Whatcha wanna beeya?

2008-07-01T17:56:00.004+08:00

Sebana Cove, Desaru, Johor

My mom saw my revision schedule. She smiled.

Mom: So have you made up your mind?

Me: About what?

Mom: What you want to be, where you want to go after A levels?

Me: (Pause for a while) I'm going with the flow for now.

There's so many things I want to do. Too many. I'm just confused thinking about it. So let's not think about it.

The River Song

2008-06-27T23:57:00.003+08:00

This is my current favourite song. You know gaga I get over local music.

Plainsunset is the new muse!

I just love how the puzzles are fitting back together.

Camp X-Plore!

2008-06-25T01:01:00.003+08:00

I've meaning to do this a long time ago, but I guess time caught up with me. I became a Kakak to about 80 kids for two long days. The girls I was in charge of were very sporting. They never hesitated to be the first, and had the same drive as myself to beat the boys! I think it was too much influence from me, haha.

The Pink Ladies, they call themselves, were my little sisters. I cried when I got home from the camp. They filled my two days with fun, laughter, joy and craziness. They were the only reason I stayed up a bit later and the reason I got so crazy in the early morning. Five years down the road, I want to see them be part of the Fityan family.

My Pink Ladies at Bukit Timah. Zikry got us lost. Thanks eh, Camp Commandant.

Oh yes, I fell in love during the camp. With an irritating bugger called Iqmal. I already circled his face with hearts in the picture, so DO NOT MISTAKE IT FOR DANIAL, who happens to look like a samurai who wants to eat my Iqmal alive. Ho hum. Iqmal started to tease me when our groups had almost similar cheers (which happens to be stolen from MJC, TP, NYP and basically all other tertiary institutions). This cute little fella cried when Syafiq, his facilitator, said goodbye to him after the camp.

This is the part everyone goes 'Awwww...' and my heart starts doing jumping jacks.

And the one next to Iqmal in blue is Anisah's brother, Safwan. He is minute, as small as a 10-year-old boy, but he is in Secondary One at Tampines Secondary. I pray for his safety.

And the one in green is me, entertaining the kids while waiting for Camp Commandant to be sure of the trekking route. This picture could possibly work for a blackmail. (Evil laughter...)

Back At One

2008-06-23T20:12:00.002+08:00

If you've been wondering why I keep posting videos on my blog, it's because I need ideas for my next short film. Remember Moving On? I'm entering the competition again this year and the thrill is getting into me.

I love Brian McKnight. His voice is so lovely. I felt like crying after watching this.

Another Short Film

2008-06-20T10:15:00.002+08:00

If a guy ever asks a girl to remove the hijab, kick his ass. Even the French have some manners when meeting Muslim girls.

Ask Baba Ali

2008-06-15T19:19:00.001+08:00

I love this guy. Enjoy the video if you're thinking of getting married. HAHA.

Zoo, anyone?

2008-06-03T00:00:00.002+08:00

I've got two complimentary tickets to the zoo on 14th June 2008.

The problem is, I don't know who to go with. Mom's away in US and Fityanees are off to KRC!

Bleargh! Tell me if you wanna tag along.

Torture

2008-06-01T00:15:00.002+08:00

If there's one kind of torture I cannot stand, it's emotionally torture.

Have you ever had people telling you to do things, then they themselves do the other? Or people who show actions that mean one thing but mean another?

It's never easy, eh?

Updates

2008-05-26T22:31:00.003+08:00

Hey girls and guys! Free on Saturday afternoon? Then make a date with us at Fityan Ghufran! The monthly Cakap Pasal Remaja (CPR) is back for the month of May! We're talking about the 'L' word - LOVE! Know how we can love friends, family, boyfriend/girlfriends and yourself the way Islam does it!

Date: 31 May 208 Time: 2pm to 4pm Venue: Darul Ghufran Mosque Dress code: Casual
(We love it when teens drop by the mosque, but do dress decently cause Allah loves it even more when you do!)

P.S. I'm on the poster! Ho ho ho ho ho!!!!!

Oh yes, I made this lovely cake for Night Cycling Appreciation about 2 weeks back. I'm so proud of it!

Love will Save the Day

2008-04-29T18:52:00.003+08:00

While everyone was queuing up for free ice-cream, getting fat, Zahrah and I walked home from school. Shariffah Zahrah, there was a reason why God united us together again after the 4 years of separation. We talked about everything we wanted to talk about. Playing shoot, shag or marry while climbing the slope, and singing our hearts out despite cars screeching past us certainly brought back memories.

We were walking along Sun Plaza Park when I saw the swings. I looked at Zahrah and she looked at me back. Next thing we knew, we were high up in the sky swinging our legs out.

Yours truly.

Zahrah being the happy girl she is.

To cap the day off, we saw the Indian uncle who owns the Mama shop behind Qiaonan Primary. We just laughed when we saw him. It was too fun reminiscing our childhood.

Thanks Zahrah.

A Silent Prayer for You

2008-04-28T15:49:00.001+08:00

My heart breaks each time I hear your name. Finally, I realised why people were asking so much about you over the weekend.

Intuition saves the day.

Great Spy Is LOVE!

2008-04-27T13:01:00.002+08:00

A father and son were sent a concentration camp. After two weeks, the son was to be hanged for trying to escape. A sadistic guard came up to the father and told him to kick the chair that the son was standing on for him to die. If not, the guard would kill an innocent prisoner and then kill the son. What would you do?

Mr Nathan: Okay class, what would you do? How many of you would kill your son?

I raised my hand.

Mr Nathan: Oh my! I wouldn't want to be your son. You better not have kids, Sham.

The class continued to debate whether or not the father should kill his own son and bear the guilt. Suddenly, I raised my hand and waited patiently for Mr Nathan's response.

Me: You know what I'd do, Mr Nathan? I'd tell my son to go to the toilet and then tell the guard to give him 11 minutes.

And the whole class burst out laughing. For once, my joke was hit in the class. Even Sari Idayu said so.

So Sarah and I headed for The Great Spy Experiment's first solo concert and I must say I changed that girl's total perspective about them. Ho hum! We had great fun but the night was too memorable for me to describe in detail. Just that the whole band is already attached and Sarah's devastated cause she has a huge major crush on Fandy the drummer.

Oh yes, that crush of hers made a very tickling Minah joke during the concert.

Saiful: Ok Fandy, it's time for one of your Minah jokes.

Fandy: Ok set! Which mat likes to play with the washing machine?

Crowd: Ummm.... (Me: Mat cuci baju?)

Fandy: LAUNDRO-MAT!

I laughed so hard cause I thought it was funny. Apparently, it's lame. I think Fandy and I are on the same frequency.

Don't ever regret anything you did because at one point of time, it was exactly what you wanted.

An Inspiring Post

2008-04-24T00:03:00.002+08:00

During the 2004 tsunami disaster that hit various parts of the world, Singaporeans joined other humanitarian efforts to rescue the victims. A team of Singaporeans representing the nation came across a rumble that was once a house. They dug and dug, and found a couple, hugging each other so dearly, fighting for their their survival in hope of love despite the chaos. When the paramedics came to separate the two heavily decomposed bodies, they found three small bodies in between the deceased couple - their children. And this made the toughest of man cry.

For all the hatred in the world, love still exists in the heart.

When I listened to this story at the end of a Fityan meeting, I nearly came to tears. I was tempted to just let go of my emotions but I held back, knowing that I must not be overtly sensitive. Thinking back, I do believe love exists.

Nothing will set love back, not even rational thinking.

It's time I put an end to my excuses.

A Really Sober Night

2008-04-17T22:20:00.004+08:00

MCS Meeting: 16 April 2008, 1415 hrs

Agent Shamsydar was sitting in the front row of the class while listening to Agent Sari addressing the other agents about the Highly Confidential Scary Movie Marathon. She turned her back so that she could see the other junior agents behind her. While discussing what movie to screen, one of the junior agents suggested a recent film that bears no horror but comedy.

Junior Agent: Eh! Jangan Pandang Belakang ah!

Agent Shamsydar: Oh.. Okay ahh.. Aku pandang depan!

Class 2B Lesson 1: 16 April, 1555 hrs

Agent Shamsydar just finished her fourth attempt at Practical 1. Finally after wasting money and losing calories to riding lessons, she passed her Practical 1.

She jumped around for joy as though she got straight As.

The other mats around Agent Shamsydar thought, "Eh eh si diek ni, belom amek Theory Test daa bangge."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, enough of this agent thingies. I was watching Con-Air just now and I got inspired. I didn't realise how hot Nicholas Cage is until I watched the movie for the umpteenth time.

GP was great, especially when you're watching a movie that sums an entire months worth of teaching. Gattaca is the movie to watch if you think genetic engineering is a great invention, blah blah and all that shit. Although the movie was set in a 'not-so-distant' future, they don't have flying cars (aka hover cars), and apparently, lasik surgery too. Vincent is a normal sickly guy who is rich enough to pay a crippled genetically engineered smart ass for his blood, pee, finger print - basically his life - but he can't afford lasik eye surgery. Thus contact lenses were used in replacement for his almost-blind vision.

Where did all that imagination go to, Hollywood?

The sad thing is, Gattaca showed that people will no longer have a sense of fashion. Everyone goes to work in black suits with a white shirt or blouse. So in the not-so-distant future, Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Miu Miu and loads of other high fashion designers will be designing the same old shit - black pencil skirts, black maxi dresses, black pants and etc. Then finally, fashion magaizes will start saying that Black is the New Black.

Laugh with me, or at me, I won't be bothered. Watching Gattaca made me excited about the future of mankind.

Speaking of mankind, History lecture almost made me cry. Watching the 'Make Poverty History' campaign video done by a high school kid can possibly make anyone cry.

If anyone can tell me where I can get this wrist band, please leave a message. I'm still bitter about my Livestrong wristbands being confiscated by the school 4 years back. I'm a person who campaigns for a good cause.

I want this minus the hairy hands.

I can't wait for tomorrow. School spirit, ya'll!

A Weekend of All Sorts

2008-04-14T21:29:00.002+08:00

Night Cycling 2008: A Smile for Every Mile went pretty well. Although I started the day at Ghufran with a bit of a tantrum, I must say I managed to control my anger and PMS-ness. I think the fact that I was met an old friend after 2 years of not meeting cheered me up. We couldn't talk much, though. I was busy being a medic and he was busy being a straggler. Join Ghufran for more activities, aight?

My body is still hurting. Cramps all over the place - thighs, arms, calves- everywhere!

The opportunity cost of having fun, eh?

A Moment of Silence, Perhaps

2008-04-10T22:22:00.005+08:00

Taking a walk around Tampines Mall alone after a long time of not stepping afoot there was fun. Two major discoveries - there's a new stationary shop called ArtBox and an authorised Apple reseller, both on level three.

Possible outcomes:

1. My new bookshelf will be filled with notebooks that I can never possibly have the heart to use.
2. I may be gawking at the MacBooks till I can afford it i.e. next year.
3. If I'm missing, do find me at Tampines Mall level 3 because Times is also there.

I spent an hour at Times going through new books and one book that I am itching to read is Paulo Coelho's Brida. It's about a girl who is lost the meaning of love and goes on a journey only to meet two beings, a man and a woman, who help her find her footing back into the game of love.

I found out my top five strengths - command, self-confidence, activator, discipline and futuristic. I've always thought I don't have discipline, but apparently this test that cost me $26.70 is highly accurate. Oh wells, I need to start making full use of my strengths to get my A's.

I realised that every time I am faced with a major national exam, something goes wrong with my relationship with a particular friend somewhere and then things become different and our relationship just worsens. I may have been too overbearing somewhere within the duration of our friendship, but I don't realise it. I feel the distance. I feel like we're no longer friends. What happened to the times we sat down and talked truthfully about issues we want to address? Call me an idiot for reminiscing the past but memories are important to me. It's a matter of a 'hi' in the morning, then a question when concepts are difficult to be understood, and finally a 'bye' when school ends. Am I being too sensitive? I understand it's the A's and you feel the pressure but I feel it too. I understand you have a boyfriend and you want to be with him always, but that does not necessarily mean you ditch your friends.

They say friendships in pre-university are superficial, but I really do want to abandon that saying. Yet you're making my efforts worthless. I've always been supportive of your involvement in things, but I don't see you making the effort to keep this relationship going.

Pardon me for being tactless cause this entry is for the public viewing. But I can't seem to find another way to get to you.

Gravitised

2008-04-02T23:18:00.003+08:00

First practical was horrendous. It was as horrible as my block tests. Ho hum. There were two other girls in my class just now and all three of us couldn't advance to lesson 2. Duh? Not when you can't even control the clutch and throttle properly. I think it has something to do with my ability to coordinate.

BUT if I can dance, I can ride a bike!

How motivating.

Anyhow, the A levels time-table is finally out (what do you mean by 'finally'???). Apparently the English Literature students end a bit later than those taking MT Literature. The plus point of evaluating a prose or poetry in Malay. So finally, I think the whole class got a wake up call. November isn't that far from now. The moment I look forward to my next birthday, I know that the exams are here.

My studying schedule has been disrupted due to the very wonderful flu bug I caught from God knows who. I'll try to keep awake tonight to finish my Economics mind map I was suppose to finish last night. NAPFA tests are in two weeks, and the pressure is on to at least pass the bloody 2.4 run. Why do we have to be tested for every single aspect in our life? Next thing you know, we'd probably be tested on how to date.
No wait, I think that's already been done in polytechnics.

Anyway, I really want my PW results pronto. And I'm in a Bahas mood again.

Khairi, Me, Sarah and Shaikha.

I just love wearing the college blazer.

And one more thing, primary school love is cute! Ho hum.

Psychotic Childhood

2008-03-30T22:43:00.005+08:00

I went to catch The Pillowman with a few of my classmates just now at the Singapore Repertory Theatre and I must say it is a wonderful show! It was fun watching Michael Corbidge act as Michael Katurian, a psychotic spastic child killer. Though I must admit it was a bit disturbing at first when they opened the show to a scene full of profanities. Ho hum. I got used to it within the next 10 minutes.

Although the SRT did an adaptation of the original British play, they did a magnificent job. Daniel Jenkins was a splendid Katurian, the so-called fiction storyteller. I would say Katurian was a crazy old fag who had nothing to do but have fantasies to kill children in the most horrific way you could ever imagine.

Go catch the show if you have the time. You wouldn't waste a dollar or time, at all.

Oh ya, to those who watched it with me, here's an illustration of The Pillowman.

Another note: anybody up to catch the Great Spy Experiment's first ever solo concert on 25th April 2008?

Death

2008-03-28T20:47:00.002+08:00

'In the long run, we are all dead.'

What Keynes said is true. We are all due to face death one day and we can't avoid it. When it comes, it'll strike you from the back unless you're prepared for it. Death is scary - you can run but you can't hide from it.

Reading about genocides, massacres and studying them made me realise that you're never too young to die. The miracle baby who survived the car crash in Muar may give you a glimmer of hope, but only if God is kind to you. This week alone, I found out 2 of my friends have relatives who recently passed away. Living in an area full of the aging population scares you further - there's a funeral every other week here.

It's time to pull up my socks and not take life for granted.

Minah Motor

2008-03-27T19:22:00.002+08:00

You see two girls, one in a JC uniform, the other in a nurse's outfit. They're giggling away, pointing to the numbers on the wall and having a heated discussion. They look like they're fighting, with their horrible facial expressions and tone of voice. All of a sudden, they laugh loudly and hug each other.

That was what happened just now to Sarah and myself. Finally, we applied for driving lessons. Sarah applied for car, I applied for bike practicals. Ho hum.

The rationale?

When it's a just a date with Sarah, I'll bring a bike. When it's the whole of Kool Kentals, she'll bring a car.

This is the part where you guys laugh - it's not gonna happen. Both of us don't have money to buy vehicles laa!

So my first practical is on Wednesday after school. Can't wait!

Sleep-Cycling and Butt Cramps

2008-03-21T17:54:00.002+08:00

Finally, the block tests are over. It's not as though I studied well for it but I'm just glad that redundant block of cheese is not here to haunt me anymore. It's the A Levels now, baby. So Sastera paper took us by surprise; Aisyah did 4 questions instead of 5, and apparently everyone thought the paper sucked. Oh wells, we learn from mistakes, aye?

Went back to Temasek yesterday to find myself having a ball of a time with the kiddos. I feel so young again! They've all grown up and I'm glad to see that they've been doing a great job with the PSLs and the school. Apparently, I crashed the right day cause the OCIP people were having a barbecue and Adam and I decided to be parasites for one night, as Mr Oh said it. Played games with the Cambodians and the kiddos then retired for night at Simpang with Adam. He's become Mr Popular at Simpang now. Gosh.

Then it was night cycling with the Fityanees! I love the whole of yesterday night and this morning. Singing songs to keep awake and irritating the girls was priceless. Made some new friends along the way and got even closer to the ones I know. Too bad Burger and Fishball couldn't follow us. It would have been more fun.

Praying Subuh on the bare ground was exciting. You could feel the morning dew on your hands, feet and face and it just makes you realise how beautiful the world is. Oh yes, the sunrise was SPLENDID. I haven't watched the sunset with anyone, but watching the sunrise with your other family is simply magnificent.

Just woke up from the long sleep I had and my lower body is still hurting. I didn't take Zahrah's advice in bringing a cushion for the seat and now, I'm having butt cramps. I think it's swollen. Ho hum.

Enjoy the long weekend people.

Night Cycling

2008-03-18T10:03:00.004+08:00

It's amazing how you can study so hard the night before the paper only to realise that you came a tad too early for the exam the following morning.

I'm still mugging for History.

In the meantime, I'm here to do some justice to the Fityan Night Cycling Committee. For those of you who have nothing to do on the night of 12 April, do come on down to our Night Cycling, organized specially for you!

A bit more info for those of you interested:

1. Subuh by the beach would be BEAUTIFUL! Sunrise ya'll! Do remember to bring your own praying garments (for the girls).

2. The bicycles are rented from ECP's bike shop so don't worry if you're scared of using some dingy old apek tue nye bicycle.

3. The route has been tried and tested by the committee at least 4 times. We're not gonna torture you, promise!

4. If your parents might worry you'll stray off, fret not cause the Ustazs will be accompanying us on the trip. PLUS, you'll have a lot of brothers and sisters (me) to protect you! =)

5. You can get your forms from the Darul Ghufran Mosque office OR get them from me!

6. IT'LL BE LOT'S OF FUN!!!

Tata for now. It's back to History.

An Evening with The Economist

2008-03-16T18:59:00.002+08:00

Everyone's blogging about the MBT. So let's jump into the bandwagon and spill the beans!

I haven't been studying...

At all.

Okay fine, I did study the Indo-Pak conflict and bits and pieces of Arab-Israeli Conflict, but that's about all. I'm just going to class tomorrow, sit down with a pen in hand, then answer the questions that I can possibly answer.

It's Econs tomorrow, people. Have fun thinking of the falling US dollar that makes imports a lot cheaper right now. People are importing more than they export then local produce will be more expensive. Next thing you know, there's slow economic growth cause the net exports are dropping. When net exports fall, aggregate expenditure falls and voila!

HIGHER GENERAL PRICES!

Not bad eh? For someone who spent the holidays cooking, cleaning, shopping and studying when the mood comes.

By the way, Singapore's inflation rate is superbly high, just 2.3 points short of China, at 6.6%.

P.S. Inflation is the period of sustained and inordinate increases in general price level.

P.P.S. I wanna buy stuff online since US dollar is cheaper now. Hohum!

The Arena and New Muses

2008-03-10T20:29:00.002+08:00

General Paper has never been more exciting. It's the first paper under a new teacher and I really want to do well. I've done my best, it's up to God to decide.

Anyway, I'm watching the first episode of the new season of the Arena and I'm at all convinced by the two schools debating about the Singapore identity. RI is not as interesting as it was last season, and CHIJ St Nicholas girls can't pronounce really well, can they? The first speaker from the girls' school pronounced Singaporean as Sing-a-po-rii-ann. Yeah, the way you would pronounced it if Singaporean was a Malay word. I can't be too hard to them, though, can I? The pressure is on them to kick start the new season, so I'll give them some slack. I'm looking forward to Madrasah Al-Maarif's debate, though. I must watch them in action cause from Atiqah's article in BH, they sound like good debaters.

So Broken Social Scene had a concert for Mosaic last night and I didn't get a chance to watch them cause tickets were sold out, well, the cheapest one actually. Went on YouTube and I found loads of their music videos. I have fallen in love yet again, with a new band. Ho ho ho. I'm damn stupid for not going to their concert but heck, I hope they come again soon.

I think I'm going to drop by Esplanade on Wednesday after my Dental Appointment to take a look at the acts. Oh ya, the girls have started a cat fight in the Arena. Scaaa- reay!

Anyone Else but You

2008-03-05T20:22:00.002+08:00

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

A Very Needed Update

2008-02-29T21:32:00.006+08:00

Elysium Dance Concert

Finally, the day we dancers have been waiting for is over. No more late nights, no more swearing and cursing under my breath for not doing the steps properly, no more being angry and moody for no apparent reason (Insya Allah) and no more sleeping during lectures!

I'm glad it's over but I'm gonna miss all the girls. It was fun spending time with them. Somehow, I secretly enjoyed dancing (though it's not a secret anymore). Heck, I just love performing. I love putting on make up for the girls and myself. I loved dressing up to costumes I can't possibly wear out on the streets and I love the girls' nonsense. They added cheer to my dull life.

And of course, Cikgu Azmi who was so patient with me. I can't think of another teacher who can put up with my slowness and ignorance in dancing.

So, here are the pictures for your viewing pleasure!

Fananaananaanna!!!

Bagharib!!! Aka Sarah!

Jangan comment.

Syahidah the crazy girl!

Heyya!!! aka Khairyah! the one with the sexy voice!

PS: Thanks to Adam, Hakim, Sarah and Izzati for watching me perform and getting me flowers! I feel like a diva with the flowers man!

My 18th Birthday Party

I can't say it was a success, but I can say that I had fun meeting up with ALL of my friends in one party. Yayness. I didn't get much photos cause everyone was busy talking and eating.

hehehe...

I got pushed into the pool dammit!

Edlin!

Qiaonan!

Girlies!

Amek kau skali due cake aku dapat!

Isy takder laa!

Okay people, that's all for now! I need to start studying already and catch up on the tonnes of homework I somehow forgot aboutl.

A Very Stressed Post

2008-02-23T00:25:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling the pinch. I'm about to explode. I'm going crazy. I'm already crazy. I'm in need of another time off from school. I'm going to have a mental breakdown.

Basically, I'm stressed.

For the first time in my life, I can really say I'm stressed. I want do so many things, but I forgot that this is JC, not secondary school. And the worst part is, friends you make in JC don't really help you to cope. They're too engrossed in their own lives that they created prior to meeting you. They just want to do things themselves. It's as though the friendship is superficial.

Since I've been too engrossed in school lately, I took time to have ice-cream with Sarah and Adam. Swirl Gelato is a great place to have some games and taste delicious customized ice-cream. The travel to Bukit Timah was really worth it.

That's how I cope with stress. Buy. Eat. Cook. Eat. Bake. Eat.

Anyways, Soiree was wonderful. Krankers danced till I almost fainted, and Butterfly did a marvellous job. And Femme Fatale was SPLENDID. I love Charlotee and Zahrah!

Watch this video and tell me you love it! Old school to the max!

One More Week

2008-02-20T19:33:00.002+08:00

It's been nearly 2 months of school, and I'm still not coping. I'm glad everything will be over by next week. Soiree tomorrow, then History Seminar on Saturday then finally dance concert next Thursday.

If there's only one thing I really need, it's ice-cream.

Heck. I'm going to have ice-cream with the Kool Kentals on Friday.

Slumber Party

2008-02-17T11:40:00.001+08:00

My entire Saturday night was spent with my favourite girls, Izzati, Edlin and Hannah. We were supposed to have dinner with the boys as well but only Oni turned up. The girls planned to have a slumber party so since Oni was the only guys that showed up, we invited him and he readily accepted.

NOT!!

If he did accept our invitation, he would probably be gay by now. Ho ho ho.

Talking about stuffs till 4 am was fun, reminiscing our old days and the many stupid things we did like going steady and that kind of crap. We were so carefree, doing nothing but trouble. After all, making trouble was explainable since we were “still young and confused and searching for our identity.”

Edlin won’t be back till the end of the year. We’re kinda sad cause it’ll be the first Aidilfitri without one of us. It’s a wonder how we’ve managed to keep our friendship lasting till now. It’s been 11 years, yes. More than a decade and we’re still hanging out with each other. Now that Edlin’s shifted back to Tampines, we can truly call ourselves childhood friends since this is where we grew up.

Edlin and I are taking our driving lessons this year, Insya Allah. And I hope that by the time I finish my A’s, I’ll be driving to Prom Night.

Growing up gets scary, but sooner or later, you’ll have to accept it. And knowing that friends like mine will always be there for me, I’m looking forward to growing old with them.

Post Friendship Day

2008-02-15T17:16:00.002+08:00

I know Valentine's Day isn't exactly the day for Muslims to celebrate, but at MJC, you just have to get in the mood with Friendship Day! The school was so colourful the minute I steppen in and it was a wonderful sight to see everyone smiling and laughing. For one day, nobody dreaded going to school. You'd the thinnest person in school if you missed Valentine's Day at MJC.

So anyway, this year, it was all about girlfriends. I met up with Sarah and Izzati to pass them the muffins I made. I'm glad I put the past behind me. Well, for now at least.

I'm just curious why some people had been the moodiest people in school yesterday.

So much for being happy.

Oh well, history seminar dry run tomorrow and I have to be at NUS by 10.30. It's time to make that horrible MRT trip down there again. I have a feeling we'll do good this year. Let's go MJ let's go!

I'm off to go swimming. Enjoy the weekend!

Stutters

2008-02-12T14:11:00.000+08:00

Over the weekend, an old makcik asked for my age.

I was stuttering to answer. I guess I still feel seventeen.

Eighteen marks the year of change.

And this year, I swear to cut down on vulgarities.

Let's take it one at a time, shall we?

The Birthday Post

2008-02-06T22:31:00.000+08:00

I may not have gotten my birthday wish, but I think what I got was worth more than what I wanted.

I woke up at 3.30am with 9 new messages in my inbox. Two of which was from my bestie, Sarah. The first was a message with the lyrics of the birthday song. The second was even better. She sang to me! She sent an audio clip and I got to listen to her beautiful sexy voice again after a long, long time. So, thanks my darling!

At 5.45am, I met Fana and she gave me the first hug of the day! I felt so love. If you’re wondering why I went to school so early, it’s because of the CNY concert. I was, umm, performing. Heh. I was dancing with the MCS girls lah. Malay dance tau! Jangan main-main. It was kind of fun to look pretty for others to see. Photos will be up as soon as my laptop is done recovers.

Finally, lunch and dinner was superb. KFC for lunch with 3 nieces and 1 nephew and 2 sisters who dolled my face up with cake is too unforgettable. Tomorrow is going to be a more exciting day.

*grins widely*

50 more minutes for that last glimmer of hope. If all else fails, I’ll be dancing again at midnight.

P.S. Can you get allergic to chicken?

Eighteen Feels The Same

2008-02-05T21:56:00.000+08:00

A friend whom I already consider a sister asked me if I was still waiting for a miracle.

And I said yes.

Thanks for the cake, 07A301. And to Farah and Yong Wen, thanks for the cake on my face.

Tomorrow's the official day. And I'll be spending some time alone.

Happy birthday Shamsydar Ani.

I'm A Happy Girl

2008-02-04T11:43:00.000+08:00

Today marks the official start of....

SHAMSYDAR IS THE QUEEN ON THE WORLD WEEK!!!

I shall not be an old hag and complain about my life, or any stress related issues. I shall be a very happy girl this week!

Two days away from being eighteen.

SOOOOOOO....

Don't make me angry or sad cause I wanna be a happy girl this week.

Even if it means I have to fake it. Ho ho ho.

Can't You Just Let Me Be

2008-01-29T23:08:00.000+08:00

We care and love people so much, that we forget to love ourselves.

In the end, we hurt ourselves.

That's what you get for being too concerned, too loving, too accommodating, Sham.

I thought I'm going through hell, but what my sisters went through was worse. At least they had boyfriends to vent their frustrations to.

Who do I have?

Just God. God alone.

I know He's enough, but I need someone to assure me that whatever I'm doing is worthwhile. I don't need hugs or kisses.

I just need words.

Do I make it look that easy to walk in and out of my life?

Do I?

Goodbye My Almost Lover, Goodbye My Hopeless Dreams

2008-01-28T21:38:00.000+08:00

I'm turning 18 really soon. Too soon, in fact. I remember the times I would wish that time pass quickly so I could get a license and go anywhere I want. But now, I don't want to turn 18.

For the past 18 years of my life, never did once my birthday wish came true.

This year, I want to watch the sunset with someone I can call an almost lover.

As much as I want to forget, I want to keep all of the memories between us. Perhaps, by keeping all the times we shared, I can wait for you. But then again, time waits for no man.

I'm going to let go of my hopeless dreams.

ATLAS IS CHAMPION!!!

2008-01-26T13:28:00.000+08:00

So remember when I was so bitter because I couldn't get into House Comm and Atlas didn't win anything last year? Well, I'm no longer like that because the House Comm did a good job in uniting Atlas, somehow or another.

ATLAS IS THE OVERALL CHAMPION FOR THE COLLEGE ROAD RACE 2008!!!

Before the race

After the race

I wonder how I can smile like that for the entire morning.

Eat Religiously

2008-01-25T02:18:00.000+08:00

I've been dancing every single day of the week. Having lack of time to study, I've decided to sacrificed my sleep. But I managed to catch a conversation with an old crush online. Heh.

At 2 in the morning, with assignments almost done, and studying far from complete, he cheered me up- by giving me hope that I can be a correspondent of CNA at Dubai.

Dreams, eh?

Right now, I need an angel to be sent from above.

Purnama Rindu

2008-01-23T18:04:00.000+08:00

Kau mengiambang di sebalik awan gemerlap
Bercahaya walaupun ia bukan milikmu
Menjadi pelita makhluk bila sang mentari
Kian melaburkan tirainya
Menjadi kawan kepada si haiwan malam
Menjadi teman kepada si buta
Menjadi kekasih kepada si penagih cinta

Dalam diam kau menjelma
Dalam diam kau memergi
Tiada sesiapa yang sedar
Tiada sesiapa yang kisah
Kau hanya sebutir bulatan jauh di angkasa
Sebuah dunia berbeza yang manusia meneroka
Sebiji bola penuh dengan keindahan
Sebiji bola penuh dengan kesalahan

Kolam-kolam rindu kekeringan sekian hari
Mendahagakan kasih
Mendahagakan balasan
Menantikan kepulangan
Cinta yang tak mungkin mendatang

Purnama rindu
Kau hanya temanku

I was watching the moon while walking home last night so I got inspired to write this. AnakMelayu people were saying that it's deep, and I just realised it is. It explains everything.

Everything.

Stop and Stare

2008-01-21T16:02:00.000+08:00

School is making me sick.

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere.

For You I'll Bleed Myself Dry

2008-01-19T00:30:00.001+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday to Nur Izzati Jasni!!!!

We've been friends since forever, and I really mean forever. 12 Years of friendship, from kindergarten till now. You saw me grow up. You saw me through thick and thin. And you were always like a sister to me. May Allah bless you and Taufik always. Keep the dream alive, babe!

Lately, I've been really down. Questioning my purpose in life, my purpose studying in MJC, my purpose joining MCS and why the heck I'm bothering to update this space over here.

People don't know that my laptop is the solitary companion I have. I'm bored, I go online. I'm angry, I go online. I'm sad, I go online. It's like friends are there just for the happy times. I don't open up to people easily, that's why I'm an introvert. I don't go around making jokes with people I don't know. I only make small talk and all that. Yet people perceive me as a different person. They think I'm out to bring them down, or to humiliate them or whatever. I'm just trying to get my point across. Zahrah says I'm very opinionated, and I realised I am. I don't bother how my views will affect people. And I guess that's why I don't bother about how people view me.

If there's one thing I feel insecure about people talking about is my character. I don't mind if my bestfriend calls me a narcissist but never call me a narcissist if you haven't found out about the past 18 years of my life. I like being unique and special, everyone does. But at times being the only girl talking about bands, Vans sneakers and not fussing about her weight can be demoralising. I am a girl in every physical aspect, but deep down, I'm still a tomboy.

I tried explaining to people that I am what I am cause of my upbringing. They never understand. I've seen things with my very own eyes that I do not wish to repeat. That is why I have an iron curtain separating my heart and mind. I do things ruthlessly. I will do what it gets to get me to the top. Even if it means sacrificing the littlest things I have in life.

I'm blessed, yes I am. I'm glad I still have more than enough to eat, a shelter above my head, and education to last my entire lifetime. La Tahzan, he says. But I need to be happier cause each time I feel happy, my sorrows will drown the happiness inside me.

I won't rest till I reach my dreams.

Baybeats No More

2008-01-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

Baybeats results are out.

And I decided to boycott it this year. Or perhaps the rest of the following years.

It's becoming full of Mats and Minahs who know nothing about music but just mosh.

KAU INGAT MOSHING TU GEREK PER?

Oh yeah. And it's so stupid that you only chose bands that have a large fan following instead of the really good ones. I'm not being biased but I think Mistaken Identity deserves it more than Peepshow. So does Ivy's Vendetta. The two bands are so much better than that band named after a word they came across in the dictionary.

I'm the honey and you're jar

Please. I come up with better rhymes.

It's okay guys. You are always the best to me!

I am a Woman

2008-01-16T22:33:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking lately.

Are the girls around me getting too girlish for me, or am I the one who is not used to being girly?

Tell me the answer and I'll love you. Ho ho ho.

We were talking about this song during Sastera class just now. Old school Malay rock, I tell you. Amy Search. My mum hates this guy, but what the hell? I love this song.

Demi cintaku padamu,
Ku korbankan jiwa dan raga.

Random Quotes and Questions

2008-01-16T00:33:00.000+08:00

Today was a day full of dissing comments, weird quotes and funny antics of people around me.

1. Economics Tutorial

Miss Chen was explaining the AD/AS Model Consolidation Exercise to us.

Farah: So when will the economy be experiencing a recession?

Me: When you become President.

2. Recess

Fana, Farah, Zahrah, Shahira, Hani and Zana were eating with us.

Shahira: Where's your veggies Fana?

Fana: I don't eat veggies. I'm a carnival.

All: Looks at Fana and laughs intolerantly.

Fana: What? What? It's carnival right?

Me: It's carnivore, honey. Carnival is equals to fun fair.

Fana: Ohhhh....

3. GP tutorial

Mr Nathan was telling giving us work.

Class: Haaaaaaa...... (sighing)

Mr Nathan: Don't huhuhahaha with me.. I'm not your father ahh..

Me: Snorting like a pig with face squashed with my GP journal.

4. I'm on MSN at midnight

Kosties: Do you know how to make soup tulang?

Lesson learnt, don't have weird friends. Haha.

Ice-Skating and Shirlene's Closet

2008-01-14T19:32:00.000+08:00

Sunday was a great day. Not only that I finished all of my assignments on time, I went ice-skating with the Fityan kakaks - Burger, Fishball, Raudhah and myself.

Liyana's, Burger's and mine

Liyana using the tongkat

cam whoring in the train

Liyana's first fall!

Burger menyebok in the pic laa

Lovelies

Ghufran's Next Top Model - amacam?

Lawa nah lah muke tu?

Kak Aishah and me!

Liyana's first 'sprint'

Action ah tu!

Monochrome

TAKOT!

Apasal kau tak tolong Liyana? says Burger
Pasal dier suke posing. says Raudah

GNTM finalists

So Mistaken Identity had their Baybeats auditions yesterday. I really wanna see them on that stage so I'll keep praying that they get through. Oh yes, Illyas sent me a song my Shirlene's Closet. The title is 'It's a Pity' and I am loving it. I've been playing it on loop.

It's a pity
that I can't make you happy
that you don't even worry
when your friends they tell me
that you sleep with everybody
I think i'm going blind
cause you mesmerize my mind
something's creeping behind me

That's the first part only. I can't find the lyrics online but if you do wanna listen, try and search at MySpace.

Oh yes, did I mention Sarah's trying to hook me up with people on Friendster? Haha. I love that girl. That's what I call a BESTFRIEND!

If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be

2008-01-11T20:32:00.001+08:00

I had two beautiful people to accompany me study in school just now. Sari Idayu and Charlotte Chin. It's been a long time since I studied with someone, especially in school. It was usually outside of school, having coffee while finishing our assignments.

I had two different conversations with them.

With Sari, it was matters of the heart. In a way, we are similar. Sama tapi tak serupa. I don't want to say much but I realised I have been obsessed. Obsessed about the one person that I've been thinking about. Sari and I were listening to The Best I Ever Had by Vertical Horizon, and I asked her:

Me: If you really loved someone, would you be willing to let him go, even though he's the best you've ever had?

Sari: Yeah.. Of course. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.

It got me thinking, yes it did. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be, eh?

Then Sari went to off and Charlotte joined me. She kinda changed the focus in my head. We were laughing our ass off how our parents can be so mean to each other although they once vowed to love each other till the end of time. How we handled it, and what stupid things we did to make them stay together. Now this brings me to Sari's point again...

If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

I am known for being an escapist. And that is precisely the reason you don't bother about me anymore.

You're still the best I ever had.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!!!

2008-01-06T20:09:00.000+08:00

On Saturday, I promised Sarah that we would go for a birthday breakfast together. Just me and her. Typical girlfriends outing and do nothing but bitch.

NOT.

Adam, Andy, Hakim, Izzati and myself ended up surprising Sarah at her doorstep at 10am. The moment I rang the doorbell and gave my salam, I heard 'OH MY GOD YOU GUYS SUCK!!!!!' from the other side of the door. Next thing I knew I heard footsteps and Mak Chah opening the door, laughing.

Sarah ran into her room cause she just finished showering. I feel so mean. Ho ho ho.

Sarah's mum and dad came into the living room, panicking cause they didn't have any food for us. It was so cute cause her mom kept coming into the living room with snacks from the kitchen. We ended up having a party with McDonald's Breakfast.

So here it is.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!!!! You know I love you always and I know you love me too!

And it's back to school tomorrow. Bleargh.

10 Minutes

2008-01-04T20:40:00.000+08:00

To my fellow readers, I was simply joking when I said I was suspended from school because of skipping TAF.

I think you all need to get your brain checked since you guys can't seem to find it extremely amusing. Ho ho ho.

Moving on, this is a short film I found YouTube. Sad, a bit disturbing, but it is a very good story. Watch and learn, people.

Wellness Programme

2008-01-03T16:05:00.000+08:00

Second day of school and I cabot school half way. I went for dental appointment to get my braces tighten. It hurts more than ever now cause the dentist decided to go for a thicker wire. Okay, enough about my braces.

Remember when I said TAF was going to be abolished this year? Well, they really did it. No more Trim and Fit Programme. But guess what they came up with? Wellness Programme. Instead of just the overweight students, they have the underweight students as well.

The plus-sized people should teach the skinny people how to eat, and the skinny people should teach the plus-sized people how to gorge out their food.

Ho ho ho.

Good idea eh? I don't know if it'll work but I have to go for this year's programme. I want to be able to fit into that dress I bought in US for Prom Night. And also not forgetting the fact that I made a contract with the PE teachers. I have no choice but to go if not I'll end up in the Vice Principal's office.

VP: Why are you here?
Me: They sent me here cause I didn't go for the Wellness Programme.
VP: Why didn't you go?
Me: Cause I think it's stupid?
VP: You're suspended.

Can you imagine a conversation like that? What can they do to me anyway? Suspend me for being fat and not wanting to exercise?

Me: I'm suspended from school.
Mom: APASAL????!!!
Me: I didn't exercise.

I'm already rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. Hilarious. I can't wait to get out of this whole system we've been stuck in for 18 years.

The Way I am

2008-01-02T21:33:00.000+08:00

I've been waiting for this music video for a long time. Enjoy it and take people for who they are.

Sharmee's Best of 2007

2008-01-01T12:18:00.000+08:00

Entertainment:

Most Overrated Song of the Year:

Each time I hear this song, my feet will start moving without realizing it. No matter how much you hate it, you’ll be singing or dancing to it when you hear it. Schools use it for their ACES day exercise routine, and every time it’s raining you’ll take it out.

Of course the Most Overrated Song of the Year goes to Rihanna’s Umbrella!

Most Talked About Comedian of the Year:

I don’t really get comedians; they talk about everyday things but make it sound so funny that you’re rolling on the floor laughing your ass off. A lot of my friends ask me ‘Did you watch his latest video?’ and I’m like ‘Who’s video?’ But I did manage to watch one of his funny antics and I guess he can be labeled the Most Talked About Comedian of the Year.

This award goes to Russell Peters!

Biggest Surprise of the Century:

I haven’t written a single bit about Hady Mirza winning the inaugural Asian Idol. I was too shocked for words when I heard on radio that Hady Mirza won Asian Idol because the fact is that he can’t sing. Okay, he did carry off Taufik’s song really well but I reckon he won because of his good looks. You cannot deny the fact that Hady was the best looking among the bunch. Mike from Indonesia did have a great and powerful voice but he was not as appealing to the eyes as Hady was.

There you have it, Hady Mirza winning the first Asian Idol is the biggest surprise of the century.

Best Albums of the Year:

Throughout the entire year, I bought myself 5 different music albums from various artists, both local and international acts. At the same time, I borrowed a few others from my friends. I decided to split this award to 2 different categories – Best Local Album and Best Album of the Year.

The Best Local Album of the Year goes to the Flower Show Riots by the Great Spy Experiment!

Their songs have allowed people like me to dance and rock at the same time. I’m not their biggest fan but I certainly think they deserve this award because they gave a completely new idea of what local music is.

And the winner for the Best Album of the Year is Alicia Keys’ As I Am!

I love Alicia Keys’ ability to make a song about girl power to powerful that I feel like a Superwoman. And not forgetting No One that was on the number spot in various radio stations worldwide for more than 5 weeks.

Fashion:

Most Overrated Hairstyle of the Year:

Hands down! The Posh Bob is the Most Overrated Hairstyle of the Year!

I loved it when no one had that hairstyle. Then all of a sudden, the whole world has it!

Biggest Fashion Must Have of the Year:

What else but our favourite pair of Skinny Jeans?!

I know some people completely destroy the idea of skinnies when they wear them in bright colours like red, pink, yellow and many others. But when you can wear it with anything and you’ll be looking hot! Even for the plus sized like me, you can wear skinnies. Simply don it with an empire cut dress so that your love handles won’t be spilling out. Smart eh?

Most Overrated Fashion Item:

From Mango to pasar malam. This item has been sold wholesale everywhere. Everywhere you go you will bound to see some shop selling this item. Of course it is the geometric prints dress. The high end shops like Topshop and Mango have them in nicer designs and better quality but I simply cannot stand the ones being sold at pasar malam.

And there you have it. The Best of 2007. The list is quite short because I've been busy and I have no mood to blog, really. Perhaps shutting down this thing over here. Or maybe not.

Happy New Year!

Like You'll Never See Me Again

2007-12-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

Let's just say someone healed me in time.

"You just made my night bright. Now I can't sleep."

How corny can I get?

BAYBEATS 2008!!!

2007-12-26T23:13:00.000+08:00

Being the number 1 fan of Mistaken Identity, I forwarded the Baybeats auditions registration email to Illyas. I did send it to Anthony as well but I guess he was busy in Cambodia. So Illyas, being forgetful, apparently forgot his email password but he didn't realise that he could open his inbox from MSN. After teaching him how to do it, he opened the forwarded mail I sent him. And guess what? He submitted the form like 24 hours before the closing date.

And Mistaken Identity got shortlisted to go for the auditions!!!!!

I know you guys have been trying for 5 years but with the extra effort and perseverance, I'm sure you'll get through. Show the mats and minahs what real music sounds like, and not bloody PeekabooCerite.

DREADLOCKS ARE NOT FOR YOUR BOSS

2007-12-22T13:01:00.000+08:00

See that guy? That is the famous Adam. My best friend and boss. See that thing on his head? It's dreadlocks. DREADLOCKS. DREADLOCKS. I swear to God I will chop it all off when I see him next week. All he needs now is a Jamaican accent and voila he'll be a reggae kind of dude.

And I'm still laughing my ass off in the library looking at this picture.

I am a Superwoman

2007-12-21T01:16:00.000+08:00

I need to be strong. I need to survive the shit I am going through. I don't need a man to keep my head up high. I have always been strong, and I am strong, and I will forever be strong. Cause God gave me strength to live life as a woman and I will continue doing that.

I AM A SUPERWOMAN AND I AM BEAUTIFUL, DAMMIT!

Everywhere I'm turning
Nothing seems complete
I stand up and I'm searching
For the better part of me
I hang my head from sorrow
Slave to humanity
I wear it on my shoulders
Gotta find the strength in me

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

For all the mothers fighting
For better days to come
And all my women, all my women sitting here trying
To come home before the sun
And all my sisters
Coming together
Say yes I will
Yes I can

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

When I'm breaking down
And I can't be found
And I start to get weak
Cause no one knows
Me underneath these clothes
But I can fly
We can fly, Oooohh

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

Tarian Melayu Kontemporari

2007-12-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

I had fun riding the battery operated tiger along the road outside Plaza Singapura to raise the publicity for Heartware Network's fund-raising event, Giving from the Heart@theAtrium, just now. Made me relive my non-existent childhood days.

Fana called me to remind me about MCS stuff and I am forced to believe that I will be starting dance practice as of Friday, 21 December 2007. Fear, phobia, anxiety, nervousness - and the list goes on - on how I feel about this so-called new 'career' of mine. My mind is all over the place like how Alvin and the Chipmunks were jumping all about when they drank Starbucks. And my heart is pumping even faster as I type about this.

Dance. Tarian. Dance. Tarian. Dance. Tarian. Dance. Tar -

So I'm going to do it regardless of what people say, regardless of how bad I think I dance and even if the stage ends up being broken and people leaving the concert hall. Why?

Because I don't give up.

So please do come over to Meridian's Dance Concert next year (I'll do some publicity when the date is nearer) if you want to see me dance. I only dance once in a lifetime.

I owe my thanks to three girls who had always been there for me; Sarah, Izzati and my darling Kak Mira. And yes Sarah, you're the sister I never had either. =)

I am Proud to be a Feminist

2007-12-17T10:51:00.000+08:00

"A woman has strengths that amaze men. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when she feels like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying and she cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid. Her love is unconditional. There's only one thing wrong with her, she sometimes forgets what she's worth."

I shall not bother anymore because I believe that no such person exists on this earth that can make me change my mind about men. Yes, all men.

It a Fight between My Heart and Mind

2007-12-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

Shopping with Sarah kept me sane while Alvin and the Chipmunks made my day. And conversations like this keeps reminding me of the reason of my existence.

*sharmee* torn says:
then u do till closing laa?

Rin says:
shld be

*sharmee* torn says:
cool..

*sharmee* torn says:
dress well.. haha

Rin says:
haha.

Rin says:
nothing to dress ah

Rin says:
just plain black tee

*sharmee* torn says:
no PLAIN WHITE TEE???

*sharmee* torn says:
hahahhahahahaha

Rin says:
...want me slap you? lol

*sharmee* torn says:
i get lame and high when its night

Rin says:
lame + high = no good

Rin says:
you start acting as if you're drunk

Another Wedding

2007-12-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

Come Sunday, it will be a day for me to go into full emo-fied mood.

Abang Ayul will nikah on Sunday but the reception will be soon after he gets enough money. Apparently the trend of nikah gantung, that's when you get officially married first then have the celebration later, is getting into my extended family members. All thanks to my eldest sister who started it.

So Kool Kentals couldn't reunite, but half of us did. I had dinner at Breeks with Adam, Hakim and Sarah yesterday and I had so much fun. Yesterday was too fun to be put in words. I miss those jokers already.

My sister looks gorgeous and I look different in a dress.

I'm still waiting.

The Reason I am Weird

2007-12-11T23:17:00.001+08:00

It is close to midnight and I received conversation on MSN from Chee Wei Hui. Does the name sounds familiar?

He was my Project Work teacher.

The guy who sacrificed his social life for us. Ho ho ho. And he has 3 girlfriends whom are all Science teachers. And his MSN nickname happens to be Wizard, for some reason.

And I wonder why I am a geek with 'weird' for the last name.

Kool Kentals Unite!

2007-12-10T13:49:00.000+08:00

Miscommunication is the ultimate mistake anyone can make. I hate it when I've given my heart and soul to something or someone but I end up getting shit. This is what I get for being too helpful, eh?

Anyway, to the Kool Kentals, aka Adam, Izzati, Andy, Hakim, Sarah, Nani and myself, if you're free on Wednesday night hit me back with an SMS. We must meet before Adam goes to Thailand for holiday and before the holidays end.

Can you believe that it's less than a month before school reopens and sooner or later I'll be sitting for the A Levels?

SO I reviewed my old pictures again and I am missing my girls very much.

Biler mau jumpe laaaa????

Oh yes, I have come to realise that through out my teenage years, I have been very much your average GEEK. The very reason why my 'band' is called the Kool Kentals.

Wonderful Tonight

2007-12-07T11:58:00.000+08:00

Having hanging around with the boys lately made me remove any stereotypical thinking I have about them. They actually have a lot more feelings than I used to think. They can get very emotional and sentimental, and I mean very. And knowing this made me softer at heart. My guard is always up, but I think I'm ready to let the gates open even if the Trojans are going to attack. After all, you do learn from mistakes. You can't expect your life to run so smoothly and oh so very perfect.

And yes, thanks to them I've been listening to Eric Clapton. I know he is much idolised by guitarists everywhere, so I decided to join the club. Wonderful Tonight is the greatest song of all time and I am so in love with this song.

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you

A song this simple makes wonders.

Man, I Feel Like a Woman

2007-12-05T09:04:00.000+08:00

I am confused.

I have a lot friends, both guys and girls. However, I prefer hanging out with the guys rather than the girls, for some reason. I can talk about everything and anything I want. I don't need to censor or filter my words. I mix with them so easily and they treat me as one of theirs.

So am I a man trapped in a woman's body?

God forbid, no I am not. I'm straight. I sometimes fall for the guys I hang out with. Ho ho ho. Hanging out with Adam, Danial, Fadli and Shahrin made me feel like I was home. Its been a long long long long time since I hung out with people like them. I guess JC tamed me and made me more like a lady.

Except for the part where I have to dance.

Then again, there's still the tomboy in me. I think it will always be there, thanks to my dear brother. Oh well, I'd rather be a tomboy than a girl who whines at every single thing, and cries when she chipped a nail.

Ok, apart from yesterday when I chipped my nail trying to unscrew the tripod stand. It was irritating to have a sharp nail.

Work attachment today at Plaza Singapura and I'll be emceeing tonight's performances, I hope. And I'm pissed cause I can't go for Fityan Power. Sorry babes.

And tomorrow, working with the dudes I mentioned earlier again - minus Danial.

Can I Go Back?

2007-12-03T20:24:00.000+08:00

The weather here is hot and humid. The first thing I said when I got out of the airport I said, 'Damn, it's hot!'

I made a conclusion that you cannot go stay in another country for more than two weeks because after that duration, your body is just beginning to adapt to the climate and weather, and you're just getting used to the system. Leave before you start thinking of staying for a whole year. I wanted to remain in US, I admit, but I couldn't force myself to pretend that no one needs me back in Singapore. I'm not being obnoxious but it is true, my family needs me.

They have become so dependent on me that they cannot do laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning up the house, washing the toilet, and etcetera, without me.

I am almost 18 and I'm still being treated like the maid of the house. Well, I'm sorry that you couldn't survive without me for the past 3 weeks, but you must realise that I may not be there for you guys all the time. I have my own life and I will build my own family in the near future - even if my family only consists of cats and adopted kids. Yes, I know all this running-the-house shit will help me to be a good housewife, mother, blah blah blah. But I just hate it when people take advantage of me.

I'm sorry, but I really despise going to a messy, unkempt home with an empty refrigerator.

So that's the reason for the silent treatment.

Oh yes, another thing. I have been fat and overweight my entire life and I am glad to say that I am happy the way I am. You don't need to tell me that I gained a few extra pounds over my stay in Detroit. It's my body and my life. If you're too ashamed to call me your sister, or daughter, then that's just too bad.

On a higher note, tomorrow will be my first day at Heartware Network and after which I'll be helping Adam out at an event.

I truly apologize for the emotional outburst. I told you I'm just as weak as you are.

Say Alhamdulillah, Thank You Allah

2007-11-24T08:39:00.000+08:00

When I was very young, Ibu taught me a song that went on like...

Mummy is home, alhamdulillah
Daddy is home, alhamdulillah
Thank you, Allah, for your protection

I think that was how the lyrics went. I don't remember because the last time I recall singing it was when I was 5. Or was it 6? Ummm maybe 7?

Okay we get it.

It brought to realize how lucky we all have been. A roof above our heads, food on the table, money for education, technology surrounding us that makes us feel dumb, and for some of us, the ability to travel for Umrah and Haj. Those who went elsewhere are even luckier.

But have you ever wondered how the lives of those who aren't as fortunate as we are evolve? I know a lot of us would say 'But we help them by doing CIP!' or 'I know what you mean' without actually knowing what I mean. The following video would make you cry, trust me. If you have never ever seen thousands of dead bodies, actual and real dead bodies, you will either cry or puke your dinner out.

If this video made me cry, I'm sure it will do the same to you.

OH YES, A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SITI AISHAH SELAMAT!!!!

My sister, my best friend, my boss, my mentor, my girlfriend,
my lame jokes buddy and my lover.

I tried calling you but apparently you're either still asleep or working. I miss you, Selenge.

Weddings

2007-11-23T01:42:00.000+08:00

I have come to an age where a few of my friends are ready to be married. In fact, 2 of them just did and I sincerely apologize for not being able to come and celebrate your harmonious union with the other half. They don't know each other, but their husbands have been friends forever. Coincidence or simply lucky?

Sis Nor who was my mentor during ITQAN 2007 and YLN Retreat is now happily married to the greatest ustaz one can ever find, Ustaz Ahmad Khushairi. They both look very compatible and the happiness can be seen clearly on their faces. Seri Pengantin orang katekan. Congratulations and I wish you both a great and successful future as a family.

Fariheen used to help me with the subject I was struggling most with, Maths. She taught me how to love numbers and algebra and she taught me life's greatest lesson - never fall in love with the wrong guy. I had hopes of you being a part of my family, you being my one and only sister-in-law. I was tired of having brother-in-laws and I kept praying that you would one day be that person I long for. I still remember my words to you 'I won't let him marry any one else.' But fate decided to change its course and you have found your soul mate at last. As much as I wanted you to stay, I know I cannot and I never will. And I'm sorry for that. So I wish you happiness with your husband and please remember me as the vulnerable naive little girl whom you tutored Maths to. And I'll forever remember you as my sister.

How I got to know 4 different souls through only 1 way: Islam

And this weekend, I shall celebrate another wedding. To be more precise, a wedding reception. Kak Ica has been married for almost a year to Abang Jay but they can only afford a reception now. So this Saturday, I shall be the one and only representative from our family to celebrate their union one more time. It's funny how they can be married 4 times. One nikah and 2 receptions. Oh yes, and Kak Ica claims that they've been married 'since they laid eyes upon each other.' Corny? Yes, I do know that. Unfortunately, I've been living with corniness ever since my third sister got married. Having 3 married sisters who are head over heels in love with their husband makes you corny. And emo. And dreamy. And sentimental. And hopeful. And they simply give you pressure to get married.

Bile lah aku punye turn?

See what I mean? I'm going on 18, I barely know what career path I will take after my A's and I have never had a boyfriend.

And I wanna get married?

Ummm.. No thanks. According to research, women who remain as virgins for their entire life and have no kids look 10 years younger than their actual age.

Yeah sure.. but you don't know that they go home to a house full of cats and they weep for a month because one of the kittens just died.

If I were to make a choice between motherhood and career, I won't be able to choose. I love kids and if I were to be given a choice, I'd have one right now. Boy or girl, I don't care. Kids brighten my life. But if I was allowed to quit school right now, I'll work my ass off as an events manager with Adam. Once we do it full time, with no stupid assignments or exams, we could be earning thousands.

Then again, the emptiness inside me won't go away unless someone makes me happy. I'm sick and tired of making other people happy. I'm always bright and cheerful and making other people's day but what do I get in return? Shit ass attitude that make my moral go to an all time low. For once, I am asking - no, begging - for that one person to make me smile all the time and make me feel that life is worth living for. Well, apart for my friendships with people like Kak Aishah, Adam, Sarah, Fana, the Kool Kentals and the QNPS gang, I just need one person to make me feel wanted and needed.

One thing that life taught me is that you don't always have to be strong. You need to sit down and cry sometimes. But don't ever pity yourself because only then, your strength to go on will just disappear.

For all their strength, men were sometimes like little children.

Even the strongest women needs a little pampering.

Tell Me You Love Me, Come Back and Haunt Me

2007-11-22T00:18:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in a situation when you thought everything on this world would crumble on you but that glimmer of hope kept shining through? Eventually, everything around you began to show some life and that depressing feeling is no longer weighing you down.

I've been in that situation a lot of times. Whenever I feel like giving up, I always think of the positive outcome that may occur if I just carried on. I've been so optimistic in my whole entire life that I cannot force myself to succumb to negativity. I suppose I got this lets-be-positive thingy from my dad. I have never ever seen or even hear him talk about anything negative. Even when I decided to take Arts instead of Science in college, he was all for it. I knew he didn't like it but he was ever supportive of his children. Ayah was constantly reminding me that I have to work hard because I'm the first in the family (the entire extended family) to be enrolled in Arts and he wants me to prove myself.

People often take that as pressure but I take that as motivation. Knowing that my dad will back me up in whatever path I choose, that's enough to keep me going. Sometimes I wonder if I put too much pressure on myself, but I guess its the competitiveness I have in me. Aquarius people are known for their competitive spirit. I hate it when I expect too much of myself then I end up disappointing no one but me. Having a lot of time right now, being in US and doing nothing but cook and watch CSI (and a bit of Economics), I keep thinking. I keep recalling whatever projects I've done that made me feel on top of the world as well as the actions that made me feel like the biggest bitch in the world.

Right now, I just want to be home in Singapore and lock myself in my room. It's not because I'm not having fun here in USA, nor is it because I had a fight with my sister. I just want to be alone in my own space, thinking of what I've done wrong and where we went wrong. Closure is good, in fact it's fantastic. But I can't seem to move on without thinking of us. Call me obsessed, crazy, fanatic or whatever! It's just me. I don't get comfortable around people easily despite being friendly. I don't want to leave it behind, but I know I need to.

It's such a shame for us to part. I wish we could go back to time when we were chasing cars around our heads.

Detroit Part 2

2007-11-12T19:20:00.000+08:00

I had a bit of jet lag last night so I slept only at about 2 am (Detroit time: 12 hours behind Singapore) after talking to Kak Aishah and Kak Mira online. I slept but I woke up at about 4 am cause of the horrible tummy ache. I got up and guess what?

I went to shit in the middle of the night.

I went back to bed only to find myself sleepless so I watched a bit of TV. They have weird advertisements here, especially in the mornings. Finally I slept again at about 5 am and then woke up at 7 am to solat Subuh. After breakfast, Kak Ica went to work while Abang Jay went back to sleep. What did I do? Watch Nickelodeon, as usual. I will never grow up.

9 am: Abang Jay and I headed to the restaurant for their wedding reception as well as the cake shop to make payment for the superbly delicious chocolate and lemon cake. And guess what? On the way to fetch Kak Ica at her work place, Abang Jay did a very huge favour for me.

I went to 8 Mile!!! Eminem, ya'll!

Me: Is 8 Mile around the corner?
Abg Jay: Uhuh... It's just down the road.
Me: Can we drop by and take a look? Please?
Abg Jay: Hmph.. I knew this was coming. Okay, let's go.

Am I that predictable? I admit, even though I listen to indie, alternative and emo rock, I have a weakness for Eminem. Why?

1. He is bloody handsome
2. He raps better than 50 Cent
3. He totally loves his daughter, Haylie (such a turn-on)

We headed for lunch at Olive Garden, an Italian restaurant. The place was beautiful and the waitresses are very friendly, unlike Singapore. I wasn't used to eating there, so I let my sis picked everything for me. We ended up eating salad and soup, a healthy choice, I know. Surprisingly, I was full! I should try and bring back some good habits, eh?

Abg Jay, Kak Ica and moi.

We headed to Frakenmuth after lunch. Frakenmuth is actually a German town, something like Chinatown except it's all German. There was tons of fudge kitchens along the entire street!

Fudge = Chocolate = HEAVEN

Some cute guy making the fudge. There was another cuter guy but I didn't get his picture.

Kak Ica and me outside a fudge kitchen.

Abang Jay and me outside another fudge kitchen.

Yours truly.

Scenic view, ain't it?

We were both meant for the camera.

The next day, we woke up a bit later than usual since it was a Sunday. We went out at about noon, after Zohor and headed for the apple cider mill. The apple cider was fantastic! Fresh, hot, sweet and no preservatives added.

AND I saw a lama!!!!!

Does the Carl Weezer thing when he talks about lamas.

Today's another day I'm looking forward to. Till then, enjoy the photos my lovelies!

Welcome to Detroit!

2007-11-09T12:51:00.000+08:00

After 20 or more hours of sitting down in a cramped and oh-so-spacious seat, I finally reached Detroit.
Welcome to Detroit!!!

I admit, I was a bit scared flying off to another country alone for the first time. Alone meaning no friends, or family or at least someone I know of on the plane. I teared a bit when I left the departure hall, saying my goodbyes to Ibu, Kak Mira and Manja. I wasn't worried about my safety, I was worried about being homesick and Ibu being alone at home and my beautiful nephew and nieces calling home only to find out that Aunty Mok is not there. My heart lightens up each time I hear their voices calling out 'Momok' or 'Aunty Mok'.

My flight headed to Tokyo-Narita Airport first before I transferred to another plane to Detroit. I was wondering who will be sitting next to me, secretly hoping that it'll be cute Ang Moh that I can talk to. My wish came true - well, at least half-true. My neighbour was a 30 plus guy who works in Indonesia. I didn't really ask his name cause we only talked at the start and end of the trip. Blame it on movies and sleep. One thing I like about Caucasians is that they are very friendly. They get comfortable with the people around them fast. Too fast for most Asians but just nice for me. He even wished me a safe trip when we parted at Tokyo-Narita.

While at Tokyo, I was talking to myself in Japanese (yes, you can laugh). I think I've been watching too much One Litre of Tears. I went looking for the toilet because I only relieved myself once during the 6 hour flight. I was appalled to see the toilet but not because it was dirty. In fact, it was too clean! Here's the thing that made me laugh to myself.

They have a Cebok Machine.

Which translates to a Wash-My-Ass machine.

In Singapore we just have the hose which can used to clean your privates but in Japan, they have this built in machine that automatically washes your ass.

See that 'M' looking sign? It's the sign for your ass. And the pointy thing above it is water. When you want to wash after your dirty business, you press that. Apparently you can lie to people that you're done with your business. Press the musical notes and you can hear the soothing sounds of your toilet bowl being flushed.

They even have instructions on how to use that machine.

Now I remember the video I watched in secondary school. Japan has the weirdest inventions. Anyway, I shall post more pictures soon. I'm still having jet lag. Bleargh.

Did I mention it's 6 degrees here?

Off to Detroit

2007-11-07T20:47:00.000+08:00

Finally, it's the eve of Deepavali, which means I'm flying off tomorrow morning. 4 am check-in, 6 am flying off. I'm excited to see what Northwest Airlines have in store to entertain me tomorrow.

I'm gonna miss everyone. Although it's just 3 weeks, Detroit far away from Singapore. Though I foresee that I will make full use of the time to capture beautiful pictures, studying Economics, and forgetting about what I need to forget about.

Then again, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Anyway I finally got my current favourite song on my iPod, No One by Alicia Keys. On a final note, here is the video for you to enjoy.

I think I've converted from an INTJ to an INFJ although I haven't done the test again. Oh well.

PS: I'll be back blogging on 10th November

Friends are Family You Choose

2007-11-06T23:21:00.000+08:00

Dinner at Simpang Bedok with old Qiaonan friends made my day. Met up with Oni, Sofrie, Izzati, Edlin, Hannah and Zulfadhli. Ahmad couldn't make it though. So the girls were late, as usual, but this time they had a very good reason for it. They were buying me this cute Barney water bottle.

Me: Oh my god! You guys are the cutest lot lah! I can just imagine myself sitting next to a hot American guy then taking this bottle out.

Edlin: Then you say to him that all Singaporeans have it!

She got infected with my lame virus, I presume. And apparently today was Edlin's Let's Be Selenge Bacin Day.

Me: Edlin, Oni nak lobang untuk kerje. Kau ade tak?
Edlin: (Turns to Oni quickly) Aku ader! Kau nak?

I look at Oni, then at Edlin. The whole table bursts out laughing.

After we finished our dinner, Edlin wanted to go to the toilet. I was outside at the sink washing my hands when I heard this conversation between a father and a kid.

Father: (Looks at empty female toilet) Masok sini lah, kan kosong?
Kid: Tak nak. Tu girl nyer toilet. Hakim kan boy!
Father: Okay.. Kite tunggu..

A few minutes later, Edlin comes out of the male toilet.

Kid: EH?

Edlin: (Looks around for me)

It's hard to say if she's confused with her sexual orientation. Oh well. We get those selenge bacin days too. Anyway, I think I'm gonna use the bottle tomorrow. Fana will surely laugh at me with the Barney bottle.

From left: Izzati, Edlin, Hannah, Oni, Sofrie and Zulfadhli

Oh yes, a big shout out to Anthony Te! HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY! Don't worry, we all grow older but you will always be the oldest. Mug for O's and get better results than I did.

Anyway, I thought I should share this story with everyone:

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the treetop, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow. He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by and the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree every day.

One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad. “Come and play with me the tree asked the boy. “I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more the boy replied.

I want toys. I need money to buy them. Sorry, but I do not have money, but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money. The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned and the tree was excited Come and play with me the tree said. I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me? Sorry, but I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house. So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted. “Come and play with me! the tree said. I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat? said the man. “Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy. So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the man returned after many years. “Sorry, my boy. But I do not have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you, the tree said. “No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite” the man replied. “No more trunk for you to climb on I am too old for that now the man said. “I really cannot give you anything… the only thing left is my dying roots the tree said with tears. “I do not need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years the man replied. “Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, Come, come sit down with me and rest. The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears.

This is a story of everyone.
The tree is like our parents
When we were young, we loved to play with our Mum and Dad…
When we grow up, we leave them only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble.
No matter what,
parents will always be there and
give everything they could
just to make you happy.

You may think the boy is cruel to the tree, but that is how all of us treat our parents. We take them for granted we don’t appreciate all they do for us, UNTIL it’s too late. Wallahi May Allah forgive us of our shortcommings and may He Guide us, Insha’Allah Ameen Ya rub

Love is in the Air

2007-11-05T22:12:00.000+08:00

A conversation with an old friend brought me to realise that females should not be dominant at all. He told me that there are 3 outcomes if a girl makes the first move.

The guy might think that the girl is 'easy'
The guy might take her for granted cause he knows that no matter what happens she will always be there for him
The guy might be frightened and walks off

Coming from a matured and a guy who is old enough to be my brother, I believe him. He further elaborated that situation 1 and 2 usually comes together while situation 3 happens all the time. I suppose I can say 'been there, done that'. It's hard being a dominant and outspoken girl who speaks her mind about everything, trust me.

I keep seeing signs everywhere. Like Allah has answered my prayers for me but He has yet to show me that I am the one for him. I know I am being stupid, waiting for him to respond (actually he already has but I want the response that I want). The thing about me is that I am very determined even when it comes to forgetting. I forget about someone by hurling abuses at them, isolating myself away from everything that reminds me of them and having a rebound. Although this time, it's different. I don't want to forget. I want to hold on and see how things go.

I read a blog entry on AM about knowing guys from their zodiac signs. Apparently this is his:

Bagus untuk minah-minah tudung (NO OFFENCE) but its true.. Jejaka ***** suka wanita yang sopan, tata-tertib sebab nak bawa tunjuk mak so kena lah bawa balik yang bagus punya

WARNING: Jika anda betol anda rasa aries ini pilihan anda, pilih lah. Kalau tidak, jangan lah main-mainkan hatinya. Hati dah luka sukar nak dibaiki. Macam motor yang dah rosak, makan bulan di workshop baru baik.

See my point? Then again, zodiacs aren't always true. We're not supposed to believe in them anyway. Oh well, I'm having crush on someone I shouldn't have a crush on. My teacher. HAHA. I shall not comment further.

2 more days!

Thinking how not to be a Thinker

2007-11-02T23:41:00.000+08:00

It's a bit weird, huh? Here I am, singing this song, begging to be heard but people out there say that I will always be heard.

Sham,

It is not easy to come across a girl who is ever willing to speak her mind and not be afraid of criticism. I really admire your personality and it is commendable. Your strong character will bring you far. So do continue to work hard next year and achieve better results that you are capable of.

Miss Chen gave a personalized message to each one of us in 07A301 on the very last day of school. Mine is now posted on my tack board on my desk for me to ponder at whenever I feel unmotivated. I'm having one such moment right now.

God knows why.

Moving forward will change things - my choices, my lifestyle and of course, my life. Staying where I am will make me a dumb ass I already am - clinging on to something not worth my time. I just don't get it. I get the signs asking me to stay, but my head is telling me to move forward.

For once, I hate being a Thinker.

Living in denial can be fun. But at times, you need people to know.