Have you ever been in a situation when you thought everything on this world would crumble on you but that glimmer of hope kept shining through? Eventually, everything around you began to show some life and that depressing feeling is no longer weighing you down.

I've been in that situation a lot of times. Whenever I feel like giving up, I always think of the positive outcome that may occur if I just carried on. I've been so optimistic in my whole entire life that I cannot force myself to succumb to negativity. I suppose I got this lets-be-positive thingy from my dad. I have never ever seen or even hear him talk about anything negative. Even when I decided to take Arts instead of Science in college, he was all for it. I knew he didn't like it but he was ever supportive of his children. Ayah was constantly reminding me that I have to work hard because I'm the first in the family (the entire extended family) to be enrolled in Arts and he wants me to prove myself.

People often take that as pressure but I take that as motivation. Knowing that my dad will back me up in whatever path I choose, that's enough to keep me going. Sometimes I wonder if I put too much pressure on myself, but I guess its the competitiveness I have in me. Aquarius people are known for their competitive spirit. I hate it when I expect too much of myself then I end up disappointing no one but me. Having a lot of time right now, being in US and doing nothing but cook and watch CSI (and a bit of Economics), I keep thinking. I keep recalling whatever projects I've done that made me feel on top of the world as well as the actions that made me feel like the biggest bitch in the world.

Right now, I just want to be home in Singapore and lock myself in my room. It's not because I'm not having fun here in USA, nor is it because I had a fight with my sister. I just want to be alone in my own space, thinking of what I've done wrong and where we went wrong. Closure is good, in fact it's fantastic. But I can't seem to move on without thinking of us. Call me obsessed, crazy, fanatic or whatever! It's just me. I don't get comfortable around people easily despite being friendly. I don't want to leave it behind, but I know I need to.





It's such a shame for us to part. I wish we could go back to time when we were chasing cars around our heads.