Musings of A Girl Named Sharmee

Forsaken by Mistaken Identity

Another night alone
I know it's getting colder
This obsession starts to grow
Will I be the one you hold?
Another teardrop wept
hidden questions unanswered

The silence has been broken
Confessions of a man
This masterpiece was written
The story of two drifters
Was it based on love,
Or was it all false hope
Will this trinity be ever You and I together?
Ashes on the floor
A ballad written for

Another day apart
The hours are growing longer
Lights start to dim
Has the end begun?
People come and go
It's memories that linger
I'm tired of being second
An empty promise sold
This tragedy was never the fate of star crossed lovers

A poet at his end
A chance was all he asked
Will it be his moment or was it never meant
All his thoughts are spoken
In a ballad written for

For some reason, I'm being very emo today. I heard so many stories about you. I heard so many lies and excuses from you also. But I can never bring myself to see you up close and talk to you face to face.

For some reason, I despise the fact that we are no longer friends. I hate it that we don't even bother saying hi when we see each other.

For some reason, I don't bother defending you anymore. Even if people shun you and ignore you, I'm just there standing and watching the drama unfold. I just don't bother to help anymore.

Perhaps what Illyas sings of is true. People come and go, it's memories that linger. But the memories lingering in my heart and mind that is killing me. I just wish that there is closure. You coming forward and say "I'm sorry, Sham" and me saying the same thing back to you. But I guess you are too embarrassed about what happened between us because for once, I was right and you were wrong.

I don't know how many times I have got to apologize to you. And I don't know why is it that it's always me who have to give in.

I'll let fate take its place.

[go to http://amp.channelv.com/mistakenidentity to hear the song. you will love it]

Promotional Exams are almost over. I must get promoted. I don't want to be in the VP's office begging for mercy.

Only left with Sastera and Maths. After tomorrow, my freedom is back! Oh gosh. I can't wait to start cleaning the house and making Raya goodies.

Oh yes. I finally have wireless connection at home so I can surf the net in the comfort of my pretty purple room.

Speaking of the internet... Do check out two things at YouTube: Little Mosque on the Prairie and One Litre Tears. They are too good to be missed.

Just thought I'd tempt my readers with more of my cooking...

1. The person who tagged you is:
* Nurril Hirfana

2. Your relationship with her:
* Best friend, girlfriend. Whichever you prefer.

3. 5 Impressions you have of her:
- sweet
- girly
- outspoken
- attractive
- weird. HAHA.

4. Most memorable thing she has done for you:
* confronting him for me.

5. Most memorable words she said to you:
* YOU ARE WEIRD, SHAM!

6. If she becomes your lover, you will:
* become lesbian?

7. If she becomes your lover, things she has to improved on will be:
* be less touchy when her lesbian tendencies arise. haha

8. If she becomes your enemy, you will:
* be dead.

9. If she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
* us not tolerating each other's nonsense? haha.

10. The most desirable thing you want to do for her now is:
* make her pass her history. =)

11. Your overall impression of her is:
* she's too good a girlfriend to lose.

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you:
* they feel insecure, ironically

13. The characteristic you love about yourself is:
* CHARISMA!

14. The characteristic you hate about yourself is:
* too purpose driven and my EGO

15. The most ideal person you want to be like is:
* no one. why do i have to be like someone else?

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them:
* wow. come and be my boyfriend. HAH.

17. Pass this quiz to 10 people that you
wish to know how they feel about you.

1. Fana
2. Sarah
3. Adam
4. Aishah Burger
5. Liyana Fishball
6. Farah alsagoff
7. Zahrah
8. Andy
9. Illyas
10. Anthony

Who is no 6 having relationship with:
* soon to be relationship.. not yet.. haha

Is no.9 male/female:
* female.

If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing:
* i dunno. they don't even know each other. haha.

When you last chat with no 3.:
* two days ago.

What kind of music that no 8 likes:
* Pussycat Dolls and the likes

Does no.1 have any siblings:
* YES. a VERY CUTE ELDER BROTHER and a carbon copy of her as the younger one..

Will you woo no 3:
* hell no!

How bout no 7:
* possibly..

Is no 4 single:
* YES! AND SHE'S AT THE AGE WHERE MARRIAGE IS IN QUESTION!

What's the surname of no 5:
* its fishball.

What's the hobby of no 4:
* making burgers. ahah.. used to.. now she likes to inspire!

Do no 5 and 9 get along:
* they dunno each other.

Where is no 2 studying at:
* NP Nursing

Say something casual about no 1:
* my sister, my girlfriend, someone to scream at. =)

Have you tried developing feelings for no 8:
* NO! haha.. no offence andy.. i love u as a friend..

Where does no 9 lives:
* Simei

What color does no 4 like:
* red

Are no 5 and 1 best friends:
* nahhh

Does no 7 like 2:
* i guess they can work with each other well..

How did you get to know no 2:
* TEMASEK SECONDARY SCHOOL CANOEING TEAM! oh god. that was yearns ago..

Does no 1 have any pets:
* yeah.. a stupid fish.

Is no 7 the sexiest person in the world:
* hell yea!

Enjoy and comment.

So the Singapore government decided to revamp the Penal Code eh?

Some of the Bills that are due to be debated in Parliament is the law of illegal unnatural sex, which includes homosexual intercourse and anal intercourse between males and females. Apparently, they decided that homosexual intercourse should remain as illegal but anal intercourse should be scraped off the Penal Code.

Wow. To those gays out there, be careful... You can actually be tried in court for satisfying your needs. And to estranged wives out there, you no longer can ask for a divorce from your husband just because of unnatural sex. Ha ha ha.

I always thought that these are some of the weird laws our government decided to implement. I mean, how the hell can you prove that a man had intercourse with another man? Hey, it's not as though all of them are Paris Hilton wannabes and record their sexual encounters and put it up on sale. And the law of prohibition of anal sex? That is just stupid. I'm sure the people of Singapore know what's the best method for them. You don't need to dictate how to enjoy their sex life. Who the hell made that law in the first place? Must be (fill in the blanks).

Why am I talking about these so called taboo topics in our conservative society? Cause it's nonsensical to have vices being made an offence. (Omg Sham. Are you talking about GP here?) I know that Muslims are supposed to be conservative but we have to open up to ideas that globalisation is bringing to us. We can't stay hidden in this cocoon forever, we must accept them with open arms. There's a fine line between vice and offence so let's make that line clearer: personal lives must not be an offence!

Bleargh. I'm not making sense, am I? Now the Parliament sitting aired on Channel 5 is talking about gay activists not being allowed to stand up for their rights. Like hello? Democracy = freedom of opinion and speech. Okay, I shall not ramble any further. I'd probably be in the most wanted list of ISA by tomorrow morning.

Jun: Don't you ever feel insecure, Sham?
Me: J, I'm still human.. I feel insecure each time I meet a new guy.

Junaidah was talking about confidence and self esteem issues when she asked my that. It was only then when I realised I've been pushing guys away from me cause of my insecurities. I feel that guys always deserve a much better girl than me. For one thing, I can get to strong headed at times. I mean, girls aren't supposed to do that. They're supposed to be sweet and demure and listen to whatever is told of them. I am a rebel and that is so not the wanita misali* trait.

I always feel that when guys want to get to know me, they do so for the wrong reasons. I mean, who in the right state of mind would want to get comfortable with a fat ugly bitch like me? Hello world? Guys are supposed to go for hot chicks. I may be one of the chicks you see in farm stays but I am not a hot chick. You see? Insecurities happen to me in times like these.

Then again, I believe that you should never flaunt your insecurities. You can have them, but don't let it be on exhibits. People might just exploit your vulnerabilities and make use of you. I know it is an irony that I am telling the whole entire world about my weakness but that's just some of it that I think you ought to know. Let's just say I no longer have any interest in the other gender.

Back to my point. I cover up my physical flaws with my tales. Don't say I'm egoistic but everyone out there has a talent. No matter how small it is. I can sing, host, act, direct and do public speaking. However, my flaws (being fat and ugly) is preventing me from entering the indsutry I should be in, that is media and showbiz. If I had a choice of being as hot as Kim Wakerman, I would have long gone entered One Minute of Fame when I was younger. By now, I would probably be hosting shows like Bring Your Toothbrush. Look on the bright side: God gave you wonderful talents but hidden with flaws here and there so that He can keep you on the right track. If whatever I wrote above were to really happen, I'd probably be deep in the midst of jahillyah (God Forbid!).

So to you reading this post, don't be too engrossed with your insecurities. Be thankful of what you have, be it a wonderfully hot body, beautiful eyes, long luscious hair or a gracefulness of a dancer, praise the Almighty and live life to the fullest.

Next time someone calls me fat, I'll say to them 'At least I'm talented and smart!'


Edited:
I must admit that I miss you and your crazy antics. I miss hanging out at Starbucks, mugging till we get kicked out by the baristas. I miss chasing after you after school to go mosque together. I miss every single thing that happened between us.

I wonder if I changed for the better, or that you changed for your own selfishness? It's not just me that feel that way but others who once cared for you feels as though you became someone we no longer know. Blame it on the personality profiling? I don't think so.

Have fun with whoever is your friend now. One thing is for sure, I won't come crying to you for forgiveness.

Happy Teachers' Day to all my former teachers, be it from Qiaonan Primary, Temasek Secondary or Meridian JC, I love you all!!

And a happy birthday to Cikgu Raihanawati who turns.... ummm.. 28, I think?

Anyway, teachers day brought me to realize how much Temasek Secondary influenced my life and other Temasekians. Fana will so kill me for doing this cause she doesn't seem to like it when I start talking about how much I love my school. So back to the point: Temasek educates you holistically. They make sure you do well academically, and at the same time, hone your talents and skills. Look at Ryan Chan as an example, he's Singapore's number one beatboxer but he's bloody smart! Then there's Adam, for good friend, who already started his own business. If I were to continue listing down the success stories of my fellow Temasekians, you guys would probably be sleeping already cause there's just too much to list down!

So I'm just here to thank my teachers for all the hard work that they have done in shaping me to the young woman that I am now. And especially to these two teachers whom I love oh so dearly, HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!!!



And enjoy your holidays, people!