Musings of A Girl Named Sharmee

Once again, Aidilfitri is in the air.

I cannot remember the last time I woke up on raya without crying. The end of Ramadhan tears me even before the takbir is heard on radio on the last day of break fast. But when morning comes; when the curtains are all up, tablecloths ready and furniture all polished by my rough and dried hands, I cry for a different reason.

Each Aidilfitri, I make my way to Ghufran for prayers. Following that, I have coffee with eggs and toast with mumsy at Ya Kun coffee. Once we get home, I get ready to go for visiting - with my dad.

That has been the schedule since four years ago.

My heart breaks when I leave my mum and brother at home to go visiting with my dad. My rationale for doing so? Collection. But now that I'm older, I doubt that will be of use. Relatives will start asking what I'm working as and if I brought enough money for their kids. After much consideration for the past two weeks, I've decided to visit my dad over at his place after prayers, then head home to be with momsy and the brother.

The journey will come to an end soon, and I need to be strong. Not only for myself, but my mom as well. Watching 'The Road to Mecca' earlier in the day taught me that faith brings man to places out of his reach.

And it is this faith that will make the journey worthwhile.

Tetapi bagiku, banyak kesedihan yang menyelubungi hidupku.

It makes me wonder how writers are motivated to tell stories - theirs and those that are purely fictional.

There are three kinds of writers; the ones who tell their personal life stories to others, the ones who write wholly fictional stories and those who write fictional stories that were inspired by their own true accounts.

Okay, let's change the term 'writers' to 'storytellers'. On most accounts, storytellers tell stories that they created but have, in one way or another, affected their own lives. And these stories usually have a high impact on the audience, even if it's a negative one. Somehow, the words 'based on a true story' will get more credit, or perhaps critic, from reviewers.

Take 'Freedom Writers' for an example. The story of Erin Gruwell, as a dedicated teacher who pushed aside race to achieve her goal of seeing her first batch of students going somewhere in life, has inspired many others to do the same and she even started a global movement called 'The Freedom Writers'. She shared her joy of teaching with others and proved to those who looked down upon delinquents that anyone can succeed in life.

Then again, the film 'Pay It Forward' gives credit to a little boy who dreams of an ideal world where everyone helps three people and in turn, they each help another three people. Eventually, the entire world population will receive and give help at some point in their life. Yet, this story is purely fictional. Never did the five words 'based on a true story' appear before, during or even after the film. It brought me thinking: are these the dreams of the writers?

I haven't gotten any answers to that question. Do we, as flawed human beings, dream of a perfect world? Or is it just in the minds of storytellers that such idealism exists?

Come back and haunt me.

Ramadhan is coming to an end pretty soon. Which means Prelims are officially over and A's will be haunting me next.

It was a bad day today - horrible dental appointment which is causing my upper jaw to hurt really bad AND the sastera paper that killed the six of us. I'm glad I'm taking off my braces really soon, 13 November, but I know I'll miss it. I like to think braces as accessories. Since I can't wear earrings when I'm out, my braces become my bling. Then again, they are hurting me bad. Ugh. But somehow I still have a huge appetite. I'm wearing light blue now since my baju raye is blue! Ok, will be blue. I haven't bought the baju but will do so on Saturday!

Breaking fast with the Kool Kentals tomorrow at some new restaurant in Simei! I wanted to try out Eighteen Chefs but the menu does not look as good as it sounds. Hmmm.. I think I prefer Badoque still.

It's 5 weeks to A levels and I am figuring out a way to disable my internet connection permanently, or until I finish the exams. Maybe I should spoil the wireless detector or something, eh?

I may be on a hiatus from Monday onwards. Even if I'm not hiatus, I'll probably upload some of my essays up here so that everyone can benefit!

PS: I'm thinking of shifting blog because I realised I've been on sharmee.blogspot.com for four years. I need a career switch!

I watched Les Choristes last Sunday on FilmArt on Arts Central. And I fell in love. If I were to ever meet a French man, please God, please let it be Jean-Baptiste Maunier.

My Magic - Eric Khoo's latest film about an alcoholic magician and his son - is finally going to be screened in local cinemas on 26 September 2008!

And I am going to be the one of the first few to catch it! No I did not get any premiere tickets. I'm just going to be the first one in line to watch the film.

Two other films I'm anticipating are from Yasmin Ahmad, Muallaf and Talentime. They just finished shooting for Talentime and Muallaf is apparently not distributed yet - or perhaps they are not going to distribute it. Well it is controversial for a Malay/Muslim actress to shave her head bald, but I'll give my praise to Sharifah Amani to do something I haven't had the guts to do yet.

Yes. I want to shave my head.

Anyway, it's almost a week of Ramadhan and everything has been going on pretty good. Prelims in 3 days time and that's not good.

Just let it be over, please.