Say Alhamdulillah, Thank You Allah

Saturday, November 24, 2007

When I was very young, Ibu taught me a song that went on like...

Mummy is home, alhamdulillah
Daddy is home, alhamdulillah
Thank you, Allah, for your protection

I think that was how the lyrics went. I don't remember because the last time I recall singing it was when I was 5. Or was it 6? Ummm maybe 7?

Okay we get it.

It brought to realize how lucky we all have been. A roof above our heads, food on the table, money for education, technology surrounding us that makes us feel dumb, and for some of us, the ability to travel for Umrah and Haj. Those who went elsewhere are even luckier.

But have you ever wondered how the lives of those who aren't as fortunate as we are evolve? I know a lot of us would say 'But we help them by doing CIP!' or 'I know what you mean' without actually knowing what I mean. The following video would make you cry, trust me. If you have never ever seen thousands of dead bodies, actual and real dead bodies, you will either cry or puke your dinner out.

If this video made me cry, I'm sure it will do the same to you.



OH YES, A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SITI AISHAH SELAMAT!!!!


My sister, my best friend, my boss, my mentor, my girlfriend,
my lame jokes buddy and my lover.

I tried calling you but apparently you're either still asleep or working. I miss you, Selenge.

posted by sharmee at 8:39 AM 2 comments

Weddings

Friday, November 23, 2007

I have come to an age where a few of my friends are ready to be married. In fact, 2 of them just did and I sincerely apologize for not being able to come and celebrate your harmonious union with the other half. They don't know each other, but their husbands have been friends forever. Coincidence or simply lucky?


Sis Nor who was my mentor during ITQAN 2007 and YLN Retreat is now happily married to the greatest ustaz one can ever find, Ustaz Ahmad Khushairi. They both look very compatible and the happiness can be seen clearly on their faces. Seri Pengantin orang katekan. Congratulations and I wish you both a great and successful future as a family.

Fariheen used to help me with the subject I was struggling most with, Maths. She taught me how to love numbers and algebra and she taught me life's greatest lesson - never fall in love with the wrong guy. I had hopes of you being a part of my family, you being my one and only sister-in-law. I was tired of having brother-in-laws and I kept praying that you would one day be that person I long for. I still remember my words to you 'I won't let him marry any one else.' But fate decided to change its course and you have found your soul mate at last. As much as I wanted you to stay, I know I cannot and I never will. And I'm sorry for that. So I wish you happiness with your husband and please remember me as the vulnerable naive little girl whom you tutored Maths to. And I'll forever remember you as my sister.


How I got to know 4 different souls through only 1 way: Islam

And this weekend, I shall celebrate another wedding. To be more precise, a wedding reception. Kak Ica has been married for almost a year to Abang Jay but they can only afford a reception now. So this Saturday, I shall be the one and only representative from our family to celebrate their union one more time. It's funny how they can be married 4 times. One nikah and 2 receptions. Oh yes, and Kak Ica claims that they've been married 'since they laid eyes upon each other.' Corny? Yes, I do know that. Unfortunately, I've been living with corniness ever since my third sister got married. Having 3 married sisters who are head over heels in love with their husband makes you corny. And emo. And dreamy. And sentimental. And hopeful. And they simply give you pressure to get married.

Bile lah aku punye turn?

See what I mean? I'm going on 18, I barely know what career path I will take after my A's and I have never had a boyfriend.

And I wanna get married?

Ummm.. No thanks. According to research, women who remain as virgins for their entire life and have no kids look 10 years younger than their actual age.

Yeah sure.. but you don't know that they go home to a house full of cats and they weep for a month because one of the kittens just died.

If I were to make a choice between motherhood and career, I won't be able to choose. I love kids and if I were to be given a choice, I'd have one right now. Boy or girl, I don't care. Kids brighten my life. But if I was allowed to quit school right now, I'll work my ass off as an events manager with Adam. Once we do it full time, with no stupid assignments or exams, we could be earning thousands.

Then again, the emptiness inside me won't go away unless someone makes me happy. I'm sick and tired of making other people happy. I'm always bright and cheerful and making other people's day but what do I get in return? Shit ass attitude that make my moral go to an all time low. For once, I am asking - no, begging - for that one person to make me smile all the time and make me feel that life is worth living for. Well, apart for my friendships with people like Kak Aishah, Adam, Sarah, Fana, the Kool Kentals and the QNPS gang, I just need one person to make me feel wanted and needed.

One thing that life taught me is that you don't always have to be strong. You need to sit down and cry sometimes. But don't ever pity yourself because only then, your strength to go on will just disappear.

For all their strength, men were sometimes like little children.

Even the strongest women needs a little pampering.

posted by sharmee at 1:42 AM 2 comments

Tell Me You Love Me, Come Back and Haunt Me

Thursday, November 22, 2007


Have you ever been in a situation when you thought everything on this world would crumble on you but that glimmer of hope kept shining through? Eventually, everything around you began to show some life and that depressing feeling is no longer weighing you down.

I've been in that situation a lot of times. Whenever I feel like giving up, I always think of the positive outcome that may occur if I just carried on. I've been so optimistic in my whole entire life that I cannot force myself to succumb to negativity. I suppose I got this lets-be-positive thingy from my dad. I have never ever seen or even hear him talk about anything negative. Even when I decided to take Arts instead of Science in college, he was all for it. I knew he didn't like it but he was ever supportive of his children. Ayah was constantly reminding me that I have to work hard because I'm the first in the family (the entire extended family) to be enrolled in Arts and he wants me to prove myself.

People often take that as pressure but I take that as motivation. Knowing that my dad will back me up in whatever path I choose, that's enough to keep me going. Sometimes I wonder if I put too much pressure on myself, but I guess its the competitiveness I have in me. Aquarius people are known for their competitive spirit. I hate it when I expect too much of myself then I end up disappointing no one but me. Having a lot of time right now, being in US and doing nothing but cook and watch CSI (and a bit of Economics), I keep thinking. I keep recalling whatever projects I've done that made me feel on top of the world as well as the actions that made me feel like the biggest bitch in the world.

Right now, I just want to be home in Singapore and lock myself in my room. It's not because I'm not having fun here in USA, nor is it because I had a fight with my sister. I just want to be alone in my own space, thinking of what I've done wrong and where we went wrong. Closure is good, in fact it's fantastic. But I can't seem to move on without thinking of us. Call me obsessed, crazy, fanatic or whatever! It's just me. I don't get comfortable around people easily despite being friendly. I don't want to leave it behind, but I know I need to.





It's such a shame for us to part. I wish we could go back to time when we were chasing cars around our heads.

posted by sharmee at 12:18 AM 0 comments

Detroit Part 2

Monday, November 12, 2007

I had a bit of jet lag last night so I slept only at about 2 am (Detroit time: 12 hours behind Singapore) after talking to Kak Aishah and Kak Mira online. I slept but I woke up at about 4 am cause of the horrible tummy ache. I got up and guess what?

I went to shit in the middle of the night.

I went back to bed only to find myself sleepless so I watched a bit of TV. They have weird advertisements here, especially in the mornings. Finally I slept again at about 5 am and then woke up at 7 am to solat Subuh. After breakfast, Kak Ica went to work while Abang Jay went back to sleep. What did I do? Watch Nickelodeon, as usual. I will never grow up.

9 am: Abang Jay and I headed to the restaurant for their wedding reception as well as the cake shop to make payment for the superbly delicious chocolate and lemon cake. And guess what? On the way to fetch Kak Ica at her work place, Abang Jay did a very huge favour for me.

I went to 8 Mile!!! Eminem, ya'll!

Me: Is 8 Mile around the corner?
Abg Jay: Uhuh... It's just down the road.
Me: Can we drop by and take a look? Please?
Abg Jay: Hmph.. I knew this was coming. Okay, let's go.

Am I that predictable? I admit, even though I listen to indie, alternative and emo rock, I have a weakness for Eminem. Why?

1. He is bloody handsome
2. He raps better than 50 Cent
3. He totally loves his daughter, Haylie (such a turn-on)

We headed for lunch at Olive Garden, an Italian restaurant. The place was beautiful and the waitresses are very friendly, unlike Singapore. I wasn't used to eating there, so I let my sis picked everything for me. We ended up eating salad and soup, a healthy choice, I know. Surprisingly, I was full! I should try and bring back some good habits, eh?

Abg Jay, Kak Ica and moi.

We headed to Frakenmuth after lunch. Frakenmuth is actually a German town, something like Chinatown except it's all German. There was tons of fudge kitchens along the entire street!

Fudge = Chocolate = HEAVEN

Some cute guy making the fudge. There was another cuter guy but I didn't get his picture.

Kak Ica and me outside a fudge kitchen.

Abang Jay and me outside another fudge kitchen.

Yours truly.

Scenic view, ain't it?

We were both meant for the camera.

The next day, we woke up a bit later than usual since it was a Sunday. We went out at about noon, after Zohor and headed for the apple cider mill. The apple cider was fantastic! Fresh, hot, sweet and no preservatives added.

AND I saw a lama!!!!!


Does the Carl Weezer thing when he talks about lamas.

Today's another day I'm looking forward to. Till then, enjoy the photos my lovelies!

posted by sharmee at 7:20 PM 4 comments

Welcome to Detroit!

Friday, November 09, 2007

After 20 or more hours of sitting down in a cramped and oh-so-spacious seat, I finally reached Detroit.
Welcome to Detroit!!!

I admit, I was a bit scared flying off to another country alone for the first time. Alone meaning no friends, or family or at least someone I know of on the plane. I teared a bit when I left the departure hall, saying my goodbyes to Ibu, Kak Mira and Manja. I wasn't worried about my safety, I was worried about being homesick and Ibu being alone at home and my beautiful nephew and nieces calling home only to find out that Aunty Mok is not there. My heart lightens up each time I hear their voices calling out 'Momok' or 'Aunty Mok'.

My flight headed to Tokyo-Narita Airport first before I transferred to another plane to Detroit. I was wondering who will be sitting next to me, secretly hoping that it'll be cute Ang Moh that I can talk to. My wish came true - well, at least half-true. My neighbour was a 30 plus guy who works in Indonesia. I didn't really ask his name cause we only talked at the start and end of the trip. Blame it on movies and sleep. One thing I like about Caucasians is that they are very friendly. They get comfortable with the people around them fast. Too fast for most Asians but just nice for me. He even wished me a safe trip when we parted at Tokyo-Narita.

While at Tokyo, I was talking to myself in Japanese (yes, you can laugh). I think I've been watching too much One Litre of Tears. I went looking for the toilet because I only relieved myself once during the 6 hour flight. I was appalled to see the toilet but not because it was dirty. In fact, it was too clean! Here's the thing that made me laugh to myself.

They have a Cebok Machine.

Which translates to a Wash-My-Ass machine.

In Singapore we just have the hose which can used to clean your privates but in Japan, they have this built in machine that automatically washes your ass.

See that 'M' looking sign? It's the sign for your ass. And the pointy thing above it is water. When you want to wash after your dirty business, you press that. Apparently you can lie to people that you're done with your business. Press the musical notes and you can hear the soothing sounds of your toilet bowl being flushed.
They even have instructions on how to use that machine.

Now I remember the video I watched in secondary school. Japan has the weirdest inventions. Anyway, I shall post more pictures soon. I'm still having jet lag. Bleargh.

Did I mention it's 6 degrees here?

posted by sharmee at 12:51 PM 1 comments

Off to Detroit

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Finally, it's the eve of Deepavali, which means I'm flying off tomorrow morning. 4 am check-in, 6 am flying off. I'm excited to see what Northwest Airlines have in store to entertain me tomorrow.

I'm gonna miss everyone. Although it's just 3 weeks, Detroit far away from Singapore. Though I foresee that I will make full use of the time to capture beautiful pictures, studying Economics, and forgetting about what I need to forget about.

Then again, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Anyway I finally got my current favourite song on my iPod, No One by Alicia Keys. On a final note, here is the video for you to enjoy.



I think I've converted from an INTJ to an INFJ although I haven't done the test again. Oh well.

PS: I'll be back blogging on 10th November

posted by sharmee at 8:47 PM 0 comments

Friends are Family You Choose

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Dinner at Simpang Bedok with old Qiaonan friends made my day. Met up with Oni, Sofrie, Izzati, Edlin, Hannah and Zulfadhli. Ahmad couldn't make it though. So the girls were late, as usual, but this time they had a very good reason for it. They were buying me this cute Barney water bottle.

Me: Oh my god! You guys are the cutest lot lah! I can just imagine myself sitting next to a hot American guy then taking this bottle out.

Edlin: Then you say to him that all Singaporeans have it!

She got infected with my lame virus, I presume. And apparently today was Edlin's Let's Be Selenge Bacin Day.

Me: Edlin, Oni nak lobang untuk kerje. Kau ade tak?
Edlin: (Turns to Oni quickly) Aku ader! Kau nak?

I look at Oni, then at Edlin. The whole table bursts out laughing.

After we finished our dinner, Edlin wanted to go to the toilet. I was outside at the sink washing my hands when I heard this conversation between a father and a kid.

Father: (Looks at empty female toilet) Masok sini lah, kan kosong?
Kid: Tak nak. Tu girl nyer toilet. Hakim kan boy!
Father: Okay.. Kite tunggu..

A few minutes later, Edlin comes out of the male toilet.

Kid: EH?

Edlin: (Looks around for me)

It's hard to say if she's confused with her sexual orientation. Oh well. We get those selenge bacin days too. Anyway, I think I'm gonna use the bottle tomorrow. Fana will surely laugh at me with the Barney bottle.

From left: Izzati, Edlin, Hannah, Oni, Sofrie and Zulfadhli

Oh yes, a big shout out to Anthony Te! HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY! Don't worry, we all grow older but you will always be the oldest. Mug for O's and get better results than I did.


Anyway, I thought I should share this story with everyone:

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the treetop, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow. He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by and the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree every day.

One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad. “Come and play with me the tree asked the boy. “I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more the boy replied.

I want toys. I need money to buy them. Sorry, but I do not have money, but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money. The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned and the tree was excited Come and play with me the tree said. I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me? Sorry, but I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house. So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted. “Come and play with me! the tree said. I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat? said the man. “Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy. So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the man returned after many years. “Sorry, my boy. But I do not have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you, the tree said. “No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite” the man replied. “No more trunk for you to climb on I am too old for that now the man said. “I really cannot give you anything… the only thing left is my dying roots the tree said with tears. “I do not need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years the man replied. “Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, Come, come sit down with me and rest. The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears.

This is a story of everyone.
The tree is like our parents
When we were young, we loved to play with our Mum and Dad…
When we grow up, we leave them only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble.
No matter what,
parents will always be there and
give everything they could
just to make you happy.

You may think the boy is cruel to the tree, but that is how all of us treat our parents. We take them for granted we don’t appreciate all they do for us, UNTIL it’s too late. Wallahi May Allah forgive us of our shortcommings and may He Guide us, Insha’Allah Ameen Ya rub

posted by sharmee at 11:21 PM 0 comments

Love is in the Air

Monday, November 05, 2007

A conversation with an old friend brought me to realise that females should not be dominant at all. He told me that there are 3 outcomes if a girl makes the first move.
  1. The guy might think that the girl is 'easy'
  2. The guy might take her for granted cause he knows that no matter what happens she will always be there for him
  3. The guy might be frightened and walks off
Coming from a matured and a guy who is old enough to be my brother, I believe him. He further elaborated that situation 1 and 2 usually comes together while situation 3 happens all the time. I suppose I can say 'been there, done that'. It's hard being a dominant and outspoken girl who speaks her mind about everything, trust me.

I keep seeing signs everywhere. Like Allah has answered my prayers for me but He has yet to show me that I am the one for him. I know I am being stupid, waiting for him to respond (actually he already has but I want the response that I want). The thing about me is that I am very determined even when it comes to forgetting. I forget about someone by hurling abuses at them, isolating myself away from everything that reminds me of them and having a rebound. Although this time, it's different. I don't want to forget. I want to hold on and see how things go.

I read a blog entry on AM about knowing guys from their zodiac signs. Apparently this is his:

Bagus untuk minah-minah tudung (NO OFFENCE) but its true.. Jejaka ***** suka wanita yang sopan, tata-tertib sebab nak bawa tunjuk mak so kena lah bawa balik yang bagus punya

WARNING: Jika anda betol anda rasa aries ini pilihan anda, pilih lah. Kalau tidak, jangan lah main-mainkan hatinya. Hati dah luka sukar nak dibaiki. Macam motor yang dah rosak, makan bulan di workshop baru baik.

See my point? Then again, zodiacs aren't always true. We're not supposed to believe in them anyway. Oh well, I'm having crush on someone I shouldn't have a crush on. My teacher. HAHA. I shall not comment further.

2 more days!

posted by sharmee at 10:12 PM 2 comments

Thinking how not to be a Thinker

Friday, November 02, 2007



It's a bit weird, huh? Here I am, singing this song, begging to be heard but people out there say that I will always be heard.

Sham,

It is not easy to come across a girl who is ever willing to speak her mind and not be afraid of criticism. I really admire your personality and it is commendable. Your strong character will bring you far. So do continue to work hard next year and achieve better results that you are capable of.

Miss Chen gave a personalized message to each one of us in 07A301 on the very last day of school. Mine is now posted on my tack board on my desk for me to ponder at whenever I feel unmotivated. I'm having one such moment right now.

God knows why.

Moving forward will change things - my choices, my lifestyle and of course, my life. Staying where I am will make me a dumb ass I already am - clinging on to something not worth my time. I just don't get it. I get the signs asking me to stay, but my head is telling me to move forward.

For once, I hate being a Thinker.

Living in denial can be fun. But at times, you need people to know.

posted by sharmee at 11:41 PM 0 comments

It Runs in the Family

Thursday, November 01, 2007

There was a Police tape surrounding the area of one of the rubbish chutes at my block. I didn't realize it until my mum came back from work at night. Being a CSI freak that I am, my mom immediately told me of her find.

Mak: Ida, kau nampak police tape pat bawah tu? Ader orang bunuh diri ehh?

Me: Eh? Gerek ahh... ader crime scene! Ibu nak Ida gi process crime scene tu tak?

Mak: Boleh jugak! Bawak tool box bapak kau tu skali.

I cannot believe my mum said that. Oh well, now I know where I get my lameness so Fana, you can't blame me for that.

posted by sharmee at 5:07 PM 0 comments