Happy 18th Birthday to Nur Izzati Jasni!!!!

We've been friends since forever, and I really mean forever. 12 Years of friendship, from kindergarten till now. You saw me grow up. You saw me through thick and thin. And you were always like a sister to me. May Allah bless you and Taufik always. Keep the dream alive, babe!

Lately, I've been really down. Questioning my purpose in life, my purpose studying in MJC, my purpose joining MCS and why the heck I'm bothering to update this space over here.

People don't know that my laptop is the solitary companion I have. I'm bored, I go online. I'm angry, I go online. I'm sad, I go online. It's like friends are there just for the happy times. I don't open up to people easily, that's why I'm an introvert. I don't go around making jokes with people I don't know. I only make small talk and all that. Yet people perceive me as a different person. They think I'm out to bring them down, or to humiliate them or whatever. I'm just trying to get my point across. Zahrah says I'm very opinionated, and I realised I am. I don't bother how my views will affect people. And I guess that's why I don't bother about how people view me.

If there's one thing I feel insecure about people talking about is my character. I don't mind if my bestfriend calls me a narcissist but never call me a narcissist if you haven't found out about the past 18 years of my life. I like being unique and special, everyone does. But at times being the only girl talking about bands, Vans sneakers and not fussing about her weight can be demoralising. I am a girl in every physical aspect, but deep down, I'm still a tomboy.

I tried explaining to people that I am what I am cause of my upbringing. They never understand. I've seen things with my very own eyes that I do not wish to repeat. That is why I have an iron curtain separating my heart and mind. I do things ruthlessly. I will do what it gets to get me to the top. Even if it means sacrificing the littlest things I have in life.

I'm blessed, yes I am. I'm glad I still have more than enough to eat, a shelter above my head, and education to last my entire lifetime. La Tahzan, he says. But I need to be happier cause each time I feel happy, my sorrows will drown the happiness inside me.

I won't rest till I reach my dreams.