Remember when I said things would get better in time? Well it did. To a small extent.

I never expected to get over it. After meeting you, however, I realised there's no more butterflies. There wasn't any blood rushing up to my face, and most importantly, I could talk to you. Amazing.

Yet, the heart is still empty.

People say friends are family you choose. To a certain extent, it is true. But for me, I end friendships when I feel it is pointless and going nowhere. Why bother bickering about the same old things when you have differing views on it and no one is willing to compromise? You're not even related by blood. We have a choice of choosing our friends carefully, or get stuck with them when you're unhappy.

It's difficult, especially when I am the one making all the initiatives - let's go here, let's do this, why not we - the list goes on. It's even more difficult when your friends change and its seems that you no longer know them. You make the effort, but it comes to a point where people just start depending on only you to sustain the friendship. Change is good when you like it. But it's horrible when change makes you a withdrawn person who wants to shut off from the rest of the world.

I want to bury myself in books. So I can have the riches. Then perhaps I can enjoy life more. Then again, people are just gonna make friends with you for the money.

If only it wasn't as this complicated. And so I'll tell myself again, it will get better in time.