Once again, Aidilfitri is in the air.

I cannot remember the last time I woke up on raya without crying. The end of Ramadhan tears me even before the takbir is heard on radio on the last day of break fast. But when morning comes; when the curtains are all up, tablecloths ready and furniture all polished by my rough and dried hands, I cry for a different reason.

Each Aidilfitri, I make my way to Ghufran for prayers. Following that, I have coffee with eggs and toast with mumsy at Ya Kun coffee. Once we get home, I get ready to go for visiting - with my dad.

That has been the schedule since four years ago.

My heart breaks when I leave my mum and brother at home to go visiting with my dad. My rationale for doing so? Collection. But now that I'm older, I doubt that will be of use. Relatives will start asking what I'm working as and if I brought enough money for their kids. After much consideration for the past two weeks, I've decided to visit my dad over at his place after prayers, then head home to be with momsy and the brother.

The journey will come to an end soon, and I need to be strong. Not only for myself, but my mom as well. Watching 'The Road to Mecca' earlier in the day taught me that faith brings man to places out of his reach.

And it is this faith that will make the journey worthwhile.

Tetapi bagiku, banyak kesedihan yang menyelubungi hidupku.