Musings of A Girl Named Sharmee

I could not sleep last night. I was tossing and turning in bed and so I got a bit of time to think through a few things. Yet, I was mostly thinking about what happened to us.

I came to a conclusion. We are from two ends of the world. He is rich, hip, indie, and a chic magnet. Me? A girl who can barely survive with an allowance of $150 per month and possibly the not even the last girl any guy would want to date. And to think of it, the friends he still keeps in contact with are those who live in either condos, or private properties and could shop and Topshop and Topman and Esprit every other week. Whereas I can only do so when there's either a sale or I starved for a month in school to get the money to shop.

If being materialistic and having materialistic friends is what matters most to you, then you can disappear from my life. I have friends that can last an entire lifetime like Faizal, Kak Aishah, Fana, Sarah (Miskoon) and a lot of other people I can turn to for a shoulder to cry on.

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know. From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up. And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer: Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt. Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up! Why a Cancer will love you: You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs. A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

You Are 74% Indie

You're a very indie person, and admit it, you look down a little on people who strive to be normal. You'll indulge in a little mainstream pop culture every now and then. But for you, anything not indie is a guilty pleasure!

You Are Sheryl Crow!

Down to earth with tons of creative energy When you talk, everyone can relate to you "Life springs eternal On a gaudy neon street Not that I care at all"

You've Changed 56% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person. You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you.

Is it just me or is the whole entire Arab world related to each other?

And so sorry Kak Mira, I don't have Tisha's picture in the computer. hehe.

Camp Xplore 2007 was a BLAST! The kids enjoyed it, I enjoyed it, everyone enjoyed it! Congratulations to the committee members and the facilitators who did their part in making the camp on that will never be forgotten! FITYAN GHUFRAN ROCKS MY SOCKS!!!!

We went rock climbing on the first day at West Coast Recreation Centre. I thought I wouldn't be able to climb the wall cause the last last time I climbed was two years ago. But hey ho! I climbed 3 different walls! I made sure Liyana got a picture each time I reached the top. The guys like Irsyad and Faizal were some sort suprised. Irsyad was even suprised I did belaying. That guy is so funny. He went up to me and asked, "Sham, kau buat ni bende semue... abeh.. asal kau... umm.. kau.." I laughed and finished the sentence for him, "Gemok? I never said I was slim in the first place."

Then on the next day, Faizal covered for Mohksin and gave a talk on confidence, resilience and selflessness. It got me thinking, where did my confidence come from? I've always been fat my entire life. My sisters pick on my fatness and so did others. But how the hell did I manage to just shoo them off and get on with my life? I mean, people would think that when they play with someone's weaknesses, they will just fall apart. But there's where their wrong. So what if I'm fat? I climbed the rock walls 3 times, I befriend people easily, I can scream at the campers without losing my voice and my coolness and I do many other things. Then again, this is me. Shamsydar Ani Bte Ismail. What about the other fat people out there? Can they admit easily that they're fat and can they just accept whatever comments people give? Perhaps not. That's when I realized that I should be thankful to Allah for what I've got. And so should the other girls and guys out there who are near perfect but still ask for more.

So we went dragonboating as well. The boat I was in had wonderful people. Wonderful people who couldn't believe I fell into the sea. There we were, sitting on the edge of the boat and rocking it for fun. And there was I, finger got stuck between the boat and my butt and SPLASH! Shamsydar was gone from the boat. The next second, you could see her head on the surface of the water. I was trying to laugh and help myself up at the same time. My beautiful friends on the boat asked very stupid questions while I was still in the water like "Are you ok?" and "How did you fall?!" I made history, according to the instructor, by falling off the boat. But hey, when I was with Temasek, I always fell into the water. Not so much of history, then.

I didn't want to leave the camp, seriously. I loved my Police group and their warcry, "Eh? Call police ah?" I wanted to spend a bit more time with them. I wanted to know more about them. And also get to know the other facis and committee members more than I already did. Gosh, Fityan really got me to my senses. They are the friends whom I consider family. And I don't want to leave them, ever.

Sometimes, you might think that everything is over. But in fact, it just begun. And then you realize that you've fallen for someone.

I wanna go but bleargh!! It's 2 days before exams..

Pernah sesekali ku merenung
Raut wajahmu yang indah berseri
Kadang kala gembira
Kadang kala kau duka
Kadang kala tertawa
Kadang kala kecewa

Memang selalu ku perhati
Kelakuanmu pabilaku disisi
Tangan tersentuh; bulu roma terdiri
Pandangan mata; kemerahan seluruh pipi
Jelingan manja; terlonjak-lonjak perasaan di hati

Menghilang diri kau dan aku
Hajat di sukma pergi sebegitu
Masa dan cinta serentak berlalu
Jarang sekali kita saling bertemu

Andai kata masa dapat ku putarkan
Tak akanku ubah perkara lalu
Kemesraan terjalin tiada bandingan
Memori indah dikenang selalu

Kini aku sedar dari tidurkan
Yang selama ini enak dibuai mimpi
Kau bukanlah kekasih sehidup semati
Kau bukanlah jodoh yang ku cari-cari
Kau hanyalah teman
Temanku yang sejati.

After a long time of not writing, I'm finally starting to write again. Well, apparently I managed to forget the thing that has been bugging me on a high note. No grudges between us. Just peace and now things are back to normal. Hurray!

Oh yes, we didn't get through to the next round of bahas. I'm quite happy actually cause now I can finally focus on studying. But I'm pissed at Cikgu Halimah cause she promised that she will come. You know what she did? She sent Khairi and Sarah to the competition venue and then went to 'look for parking space' but she never came back. Damn busted you know. You expect your students to win but you don't support them?!! Sure.. Sure.. Continue doing like this and WE WILL NEVER WIN ANY BLOODY COMPETITION.

Anyway, I fell in love at first sight. HAHA. There was this bloody red HOT guy who was supporting TJC and he's superbly cute!!! Too bad I was too cowardly to smile or even look at him. Boo you, Sham!

[P.S. I am still mad at you, Cikgu. Time of the month and broken promises do not gel well.]