I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It will all get better in time.

The Sisters

The Big-O
Sisters for life

I realised how much I missed my band of brothers and sisters over at Fityan Ghufran. The days and nights I spent at the mosque, the outings we went for and the numerous amounts of diabetic cakes I made for them. The good memories kept in my heart and the bad thrown away for good.

I'm forcing myself to do what is right so I can bring up the reputation of our society as a whole. I remember what brother Helmy told me after I got my O level results, "Go to a JC. It's the most direct way to a degree. Our community needs more people like that." I can be ignorant if I want to, but being ignorant means I'm denying my own flaws. Afterall, I am a Malay Muslim and no matter how hard I try to run away from that identity, I'm unable to do so. Yes, I want to be called a Muslim, not a Malay. But I want to be a successful Malay Muslim.

Liyana tagged me, telling me to do things I'm best at after my A's. I really want to. And that is the only motivation that is driving me to finish the A's with excellence. There really is no other reason for me to go through the A's. I put myself in the spot, so I shall jolly well finish it myself.

No matter how I deny it, I know I need the support. Fityan gives me the strength, courage and potential to reach my dreams. Yet at the same time, Fityan was where it all began. Where I often had conflicts with myself. Where I found my source of happiness, but just to lose it after a mistake of confiding in someone I just met. Where I realised we were just like 'siblings'.

Going through the photos of past Fityan events, I reminisced over the times we spent together. I miss them. I want to go back to the past. But I know God has other plans for me. People come and go, I know they do. Or perhaps I'm forcing myself to acknowledge that.

It's gonna hurt when it heals. I'm still healing so I'm still hurting. But please don't let me hurt too much.