Goodbye My Almost Lover, Goodbye My Hopeless Dreams
Monday, January 28, 2008
I'm turning 18 really soon. Too soon, in fact. I remember the times I would wish that time pass quickly so I could get a license and go anywhere I want. But now, I don't want to turn 18.
For the past 18 years of my life, never did once my birthday wish came true.
This year, I want to watch the sunset with someone I can call an almost lover.
As much as I want to forget, I want to keep all of the memories between us. Perhaps, by keeping all the times we shared, I can wait for you. But then again, time waits for no man.
So remember when I was so bitter because I couldn't get into House Comm and Atlas didn't win anything last year? Well, I'm no longer like that because the House Comm did a good job in uniting Atlas, somehow or another.
ATLAS IS THE OVERALL CHAMPION FOR THE COLLEGE ROAD RACE 2008!!!
Before the race
After the race
I wonder how I can smile like that for the entire morning.
I've been dancing every single day of the week. Having lack of time to study, I've decided to sacrificed my sleep. But I managed to catch a conversation with an old crush online. Heh.
At 2 in the morning, with assignments almost done, and studying far from complete, he cheered me up- by giving me hope that I can be a correspondent of CNA at Dubai.
Kau mengiambang di sebalik awan gemerlap Bercahaya walaupun ia bukan milikmu Menjadi pelita makhluk bila sang mentari Kian melaburkan tirainya Menjadi kawan kepada si haiwan malam Menjadi teman kepada si buta Menjadi kekasih kepada si penagih cinta
Dalam diam kau menjelma Dalam diam kau memergi Tiada sesiapa yang sedar Tiada sesiapa yang kisah Kau hanya sebutir bulatan jauh di angkasa Sebuah dunia berbeza yang manusia meneroka Sebiji bola penuh dengan keindahan Sebiji bola penuh dengan kesalahan
Kolam-kolam rindu kekeringan sekian hari Mendahagakan kasih Mendahagakan balasan Menantikan kepulangan Cinta yang tak mungkin mendatang
Purnama rindu Kau hanya temanku
I was watching the moon while walking home last night so I got inspired to write this. AnakMelayu people were saying that it's deep, and I just realised it is. It explains everything.
We've been friends since forever, and I really mean forever. 12 Years of friendship, from kindergarten till now. You saw me grow up. You saw me through thick and thin. And you were always like a sister to me. May Allah bless you and Taufik always. Keep the dream alive, babe!
Lately, I've been really down. Questioning my purpose in life, my purpose studying in MJC, my purpose joining MCS and why the heck I'm bothering to update this space over here.
People don't know that my laptop is the solitary companion I have. I'm bored, I go online. I'm angry, I go online. I'm sad, I go online. It's like friends are there just for the happy times. I don't open up to people easily, that's why I'm an introvert. I don't go around making jokes with people I don't know. I only make small talk and all that. Yet people perceive me as a different person. They think I'm out to bring them down, or to humiliate them or whatever. I'm just trying to get my point across. Zahrah says I'm very opinionated, and I realised I am. I don't bother how my views will affect people. And I guess that's why I don't bother about how people view me.
If there's one thing I feel insecure about people talking about is my character. I don't mind if my bestfriend calls me a narcissist but never call me a narcissist if you haven't found out about the past 18 years of my life. I like being unique and special, everyone does. But at times being the only girl talking about bands, Vans sneakers and not fussing about her weight can be demoralising. I am a girl in every physical aspect, but deep down, I'm still a tomboy.
I tried explaining to people that I am what I am cause of my upbringing. They never understand. I've seen things with my very own eyes that I do not wish to repeat. That is why I have an iron curtain separating my heart and mind. I do things ruthlessly. I will do what it gets to get me to the top. Even if it means sacrificing the littlest things I have in life.
I'm blessed, yes I am. I'm glad I still have more than enough to eat, a shelter above my head, and education to last my entire lifetime. La Tahzan, he says. But I need to be happier cause each time I feel happy, my sorrows will drown the happiness inside me.
And I decided to boycott it this year. Or perhaps the rest of the following years.
It's becoming full of Mats and Minahs who know nothing about music but just mosh.
KAU INGAT MOSHING TU GEREK PER?
Oh yeah. And it's so stupid that you only chose bands that have a large fan following instead of the really good ones. I'm not being biased but I think Mistaken Identity deserves it more than Peepshow. So does Ivy's Vendetta. The two bands are so much better than that band named after a word they came across in the dictionary.
Are the girls around me getting too girlish for me, or am I the one who is not used to being girly?
Tell me the answer and I'll love you. Ho ho ho.
We were talking about this song during Sastera class just now. Old school Malay rock, I tell you. Amy Search. My mum hates this guy, but what the hell? I love this song.
Sunday was a great day. Not only that I finished all of my assignments on time, I went ice-skating with the Fityan kakaks - Burger, Fishball, Raudhah and myself.
So Mistaken Identity had their Baybeats auditions yesterday. I really wanna see them on that stage so I'll keep praying that they get through. Oh yes, Illyas sent me a song my Shirlene's Closet. The title is 'It's a Pity' and I am loving it. I've been playing it on loop.
It's a pity that I can't make you happy that you don't even worry when your friends they tell me that you sleep with everybody I think i'm going blind cause you mesmerize my mind something's creeping behind me
That's the first part only. I can't find the lyrics online but if you do wanna listen, try and search at MySpace.
Oh yes, did I mention Sarah's trying to hook me up with people on Friendster? Haha. I love that girl. That's what I call a BESTFRIEND!
I had two beautiful people to accompany me study in school just now. Sari Idayu and Charlotte Chin. It's been a long time since I studied with someone, especially in school. It was usually outside of school, having coffee while finishing our assignments.
I had two different conversations with them.
With Sari, it was matters of the heart. In a way, we are similar. Sama tapi tak serupa. I don't want to say much but I realised I have been obsessed. Obsessed about the one person that I've been thinking about. Sari and I were listening to The Best I Ever Had by Vertical Horizon, and I asked her:
Me: If you really loved someone, would you be willing to let him go, even though he's the best you've ever had?
Sari: Yeah.. Of course. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
It got me thinking, yes it did. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be, eh?
Then Sari went to off and Charlotte joined me. She kinda changed the focus in my head. We were laughing our ass off how our parents can be so mean to each other although they once vowed to love each other till the end of time. How we handled it, and what stupid things we did to make them stay together. Now this brings me to Sari's point again...
If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.
And it may take some time to Patch me up inside But I can't take it so I Run away and hide And I may find in time that You were always right You're always right
I am known for being an escapist. And that is precisely the reason you don't bother about me anymore.
On Saturday, I promised Sarah that we would go for a birthday breakfast together. Just me and her. Typical girlfriends outing and do nothing but bitch.
NOT.
Adam, Andy, Hakim, Izzati and myself ended up surprising Sarah at her doorstep at 10am. The moment I rang the doorbell and gave my salam, I heard 'OH MY GOD YOU GUYS SUCK!!!!!' from the other side of the door. Next thing I knew I heard footsteps and Mak Chah opening the door, laughing.
Sarah ran into her room cause she just finished showering. I feel so mean. Ho ho ho.
Sarah's mum and dad came into the living room, panicking cause they didn't have any food for us. It was so cute cause her mom kept coming into the living room with snacks from the kitchen. We ended up having a party with McDonald's Breakfast.
So here it is.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!!!! You know I love you always and I know you love me too!
Second day of school and I cabot school half way. I went for dental appointment to get my braces tighten. It hurts more than ever now cause the dentist decided to go for a thicker wire. Okay, enough about my braces.
Remember when I said TAF was going to be abolished this year? Well, they really did it. No more Trim and Fit Programme. But guess what they came up with? Wellness Programme. Instead of just the overweight students, they have the underweight students as well.
The plus-sized people should teach the skinny people how to eat, and the skinny people should teach the plus-sized people how to gorge out their food.
Ho ho ho.
Good idea eh? I don't know if it'll work but I have to go for this year's programme. I want to be able to fit into that dress I bought in US for Prom Night. And also not forgetting the fact that I made a contract with the PE teachers. I have no choice but to go if not I'll end up in the Vice Principal's office.
VP: Why are you here? Me: They sent me here cause I didn't go for the Wellness Programme. VP: Why didn't you go? Me: Cause I think it's stupid? VP: You're suspended.
Can you imagine a conversation like that? What can they do to me anyway? Suspend me for being fat and not wanting to exercise?
Me: I'm suspended from school. Mom: APASAL????!!! Me: I didn't exercise.
I'm already rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. Hilarious. I can't wait to get out of this whole system we've been stuck in for 18 years.
Each time I hear this song, my feet will start moving without realizing it. No matter how much you hate it, you’ll be singing or dancing to it when you hear it. Schools use it for their ACES day exercise routine, and every time it’s raining you’ll take it out.
Of course the Most Overrated Song of the Year goes to Rihanna’s Umbrella!
Most Talked About Comedian of the Year:
I don’t really get comedians; they talk about everyday things but make it sound so funny that you’re rolling on the floor laughing your ass off. A lot of my friends ask me ‘Did you watch his latest video?’ and I’m like ‘Who’s video?’ But I did manage to watch one of his funny antics and I guess he can be labeled the Most Talked About Comedian of the Year.
This award goes to Russell Peters!
Biggest Surprise of the Century:
I haven’t written a single bit about Hady Mirza winning the inaugural Asian Idol. I was too shocked for words when I heard on radio that Hady Mirza won Asian Idol because the fact is that he can’t sing. Okay, he did carry off Taufik’s song really well but I reckon he won because of his good looks. You cannot deny the fact that Hady was the best looking among the bunch. Mike from Indonesia did have a great and powerful voice but he was not as appealing to the eyes as Hady was.
There you have it, Hady Mirza winning the first Asian Idol is the biggest surprise of the century.
Best Albums of the Year:
Throughout the entire year, I bought myself 5 different music albums from various artists, both local and international acts. At the same time, I borrowed a few others from my friends. I decided to split this award to 2 different categories – Best Local Album and Best Album of the Year.
The Best Local Album of the Year goes to the Flower Show Riots by the Great Spy Experiment!
Their songs have allowed people like me to dance and rock at the same time. I’m not their biggest fan but I certainly think they deserve this award because they gave a completely new idea of what local music is.
And the winner for the Best Album of the Year is Alicia Keys’ As I Am!
I love Alicia Keys’ ability to make a song about girl power to powerful that I feel like a Superwoman. And not forgetting No One that was on the number spot in various radio stations worldwide for more than 5 weeks.
Fashion:
Most Overrated Hairstyle of the Year:
Hands down! The Posh Bob is the Most Overrated Hairstyle of the Year!
I loved it when no one had that hairstyle. Then all of a sudden, the whole world has it!
Biggest Fashion Must Have of the Year:
What else but our favourite pair of Skinny Jeans?!
I know some people completely destroy the idea of skinnies when they wear them in bright colours like red, pink, yellow and many others. But when you can wear it with anything and you’ll be looking hot! Even for the plus sized like me, you can wear skinnies. Simply don it with an empire cut dress so that your love handles won’t be spilling out. Smart eh?
Most Overrated Fashion Item:
From Mango to pasar malam. This item has been sold wholesale everywhere. Everywhere you go you will bound to see some shop selling this item. Of course it is the geometric prints dress. The high end shops like Topshop and Mango have them in nicer designs and better quality but I simply cannot stand the ones being sold at pasar malam.
And there you have it. The Best of 2007. The list is quite short because I've been busy and I have no mood to blog, really. Perhaps shutting down this thing over here. Or maybe not.
